With the number of fans dwindling at stadiums throughout the UK there is one aspect of the sport that is stronger than ever. Fantasy football, it seems, is no longer restricted to the cliché of sad middle aged men still living at home and meeting members of their league once a week to discuss and pick teams. Now it applies to the younger male equivalent too. Sky’s version of the game alone has over 2.5million people playing along and this season I myself have been caught up in the craze. It is the first season that I decided to sign up and create a team and overall the experience has been very entertaining.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, players are given a budget at the start of the season with which to pick their team choosing players from any premier league club with a maximum of 3 players from each team and points are ascertained based on the each player’s performance gaining points from several things such as goals, clean sheets, assists etc. Presumably in years to come the game will catch up with the Premiership age and you’ll also be awarded points for ‘controversial tweets’, ‘relatives-by-marriage bedded’, and ‘inadvertent arson’…but until then we just have to make do.
I’ll (unashamedly) admit I have become slightly obsessive with it and it has even become the home screen on my web browser! I’d go as far to say that I almost treat it like a real job, however if it was a real job I think I would be among the likes of Villas Boas and Kean in the job safety department. Sadly, fantasy football doesn’t carry the safety net of a hefty compensation package. Pleasingly though, fans of Garfy’s Bhoys (no prizes for guessing which Scottish team I support) have yet to huddle round my computer waving banners and hurling abuse. In true manager fashion I like to blame most of my shortcomings on injury, bad luck, and poor refereeing decisions (Newcastle’s penalty against Man Utd this weekend being the perfect example).
Regardless, it still is very engaging, it makes watching every game more interesting as you have something invested in most teams within the league even if it is just a single player. It’s the same involvement you feel if you were to place a bet on a game but a lot safer and cheaper. In fact if you are good enough you can win prizes from cold hard cash to tickets to a game of your choice, mp3 players etc. You can’t help feeling that these kind of performance-related rewards are the way ahead. Roberto Martinez may become a bit more focused on results over style if he knew there was a shiny new iPod in it.
My craving to do well goes far deeper than the desire to win an MP3 player however. Only in one month have I had the top score in my private league and out of all the achievements I’ve had in my 22 years it was right up there. Losing your virginity’s one thing, but it’s not being displayed triumphantly to all your mates via their computer screens. Hopefully. My top score proved to be a meaningless result that didn’t even affect my position within the league but I was overjoyed with my bhoys who had played the game of their lives. The mild congratulations (the same congratulations you might expect to receive upon telling somebody you’ve just learned to juggle) that I received from my fellow managers (we are managers in our own right) kept a skip in my step for the rest of the week only for it all to be dashed by a dismal performance the week after which see’s the boys still sitting in the metaphorical relegation zone.
As a matter of fact, the only two people below me set up their teams at the start and haven’t paid a blind bit of attention to them since. Notably the bottom team has players such as Gyan and Aquilani, a depressing fact for somebody who takes it as seriously as I have found myself taking it.
Overall I have high hopes, there are still plenty games left this season and with the January transfer window just around the corner there could very well be some new faces at the club. I am realistically aiming for a top ten finish in my debut season and if the fans give me time I’m sure that it will be a better performance next season if my sanity prevails. However, my main aim for next season is not a better performance but a better name for my team. Seasoned pro’s who have done this before have shown me the way with some absolute belters such as Getafe Maleg (Scottish Comedy FC’s Ray Bradshaw), Buyaleathercushion (Ross Main), Inter ma Nan (Ben Short) and my personal favourite Norfolk-in-Chance (Nathan Hinze).
Why not post some of your favourite team names in the comments section below?
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About the Author
Edinburgh comic Gareth Waugh started comedy in 2010 and has clocked in a remarkable amount of gigs since then performing all over the country.
A man clearly addicted to disappointment Gareth supports Celtic and Arsenal which has made him a very depressed man so far this season with both teams floundering early on.
“Excellent” – Scotsman
“A particular highlight” – Edinburgh Evening News
“Well worth witnessing” – One4review
Follow Gareth on Twitter: @GarethWaugh
Getafe have been a favourite team of mine for many a year now and as an ex clippy it has long been my fantasy to go to one of their home games and shout cummoan Getafe.
I’m really enjoying this blog.
I once played a 5 aside team called abcde fc
I thought that was a good name!
Borrusia Munchenbawbag was a personal favourite team name
Our Uni intra-mural team was called Hyundai Marchmont. And they sent us 11 Hyundai keyrings. Which wasn’t quite a kick in the ball sack, but was not too far off.