Teddy’s View: Warnock Twitter witterings, a Pitbull in high heels, and Darren Mackie gets time off to read a book.
By Teddy (@ComedyTeddy)India is to follow the model of its successful Cricket IPL and set up a football version. Sounds good, until you read that the managers will include John Barnes & Tony Adams, and the players will include Robbie Fowler and Robert Pires. I’d say it sounds like a Masters tournament…but as I said – John Barnes and Tony Adams are going to be managing in it. Two men who may as well be arms dealers, given that they tend to earn their money from the world’s developing nations and the results are usually devastating.
Tony Adams. Left Azerbaijan's FC Gabala at point where they'd had one win in their last seven matches. Left for family reasons that is.David Beckham has signed a new 2-year deal with LA Galaxy, but has already suggested that he may play on once that finishes. Many players extend their careers by altering their positions and this is something that Becks has already proved adept at. Midfield can be a demanding position, but sitting on you’re a*se at a Royal Wedding less so. Expect these positional tweaks to add a few more years yet to his career. Beckham is on record regarding his desire to play for Team GB at the Olympics, but SFA boss Stewart Regan is less enthusiastic about the side. He’s said that Scottish players who accept a call-up may face “a backlash” from the Tartan Army. This does raise an interesting and slightly surreal point. If Scotland fans abuse Scotland players over an issue relating to nationality…would they be deemed guilty of racial abuse?
Neil Warnock has spoken out over his sacking as QPR boss and has become probably the first manager to blame his sacking on Twitter. Apparently it was too easy for people to “poison” the owner’s views via the social networking site. The notion of a chairman being influenced by Twitter is an interesting one. I look forward to seeing QPR make a bid to sign Justin Bieber. Of course that’s just a joke, the very idea of it is ridiculous. Justin Bieber isn’t represented by Kia Joorabchian.
Bieber. Could his ambitions match those of Mark Hughes?The Old Firm have unexpectedly become a blur of transfer activity during the current window. Among the action, Rangers have brought in Honduran midfielder Jorge Claros, nicknamed ‘The Pitbull’, on trial. His nickname was slightly undermined by he and his Celtic compatriot Emilio Izaguirre posing for a pic in a Glasgow shopping centre while standing in front of sale-item handbags and high heels. How embarrassing. Professional footballers…looking like they shop in the sales. Claros has already survived a shooting in his homeland. To be involved in one shooting incident would be traumatic enough, but he was then present when a team-mate shot at a journalist interviewing him. The urge to burst a crisp packet behind Chick Young the first time he interviews him will be overwhelming.
Claros won’t have too much time to learn from the experience of Davie Weir, as the Rangers captain will be leaving the club after Saturday’s match against Aberdeen. Lack of playing time has been given as the reason, but it’s hard to shake the thought that Craig Whyte refused to sanction paying for stairlifts and side-opening baths at Murray Park. Hack jokes aside, Weir has been one of the most dignified and successful Rangers captains ever.
John Fleck’s Blackpool loan move means he’ll be reunited with another Rangers captain, in the shape of Barry Ferguson. Hopefully Fleck can keep learning from his old skipper. Though, ideally, not sign language.
Laszlo, inflicting press conference suffering and confusion. Something he'll now be doing via the Lithuanian national team.Hearts have been hit with an SPL charge for not paying their players on time, something the club disputes. Weirdly, Hearts avoided action when they were weeks late with wages…yet are set to be hauled over the coals for allegedly being hours late with them. Given that the SPL’s disciplinary processes seem to be a few months too late…maybe they should charge themselves? Kevin Kyle has spoken to the press to say that the players themselves are no longer in dispute with the club…though he can presumably only speak for the ones that he met in the physio’s room. Paul Sergio has revealed that he’s taking guitar lessons to try to relax from the pressures of the Tynecastle job, and that he particularly likes the music of Pink Floyd. Long, rambling, occasionally discordant…if that’s what he’s into, he should get the Hearts press officer to dig him out some old Csaba Laszlo interviews.
Aberdeen have announced that Darren Mackie will not be offered a new contract when his current one expires in the summer, so he’ll be leaving the club after thirteen years there. There can’t have been too many occasions when the longest serving player at a club has also been the one least popular with fans. Given the booing that the now departed Ricky Foster started the season receiving, it’s hard not to form the view that the Dons fans treat their relationship with the players as a marriage. A really bitter and unhappy marriage, from which all they want is a divorce. It’s not that they love the people who they’ve only been seeing for six months – it’s just that they’re preferable because they haven’t had the time to grow to hate them yet. In case there’s still anyone who hasn’t seen it, one of Darren’s greatest moments is below: Darren Mackie. He may not have won the league with Aberdeen, but he'll always be a reading champion. Just outstanding.
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About the Author
Twice runner-up in Scottish Comedian of the Year finals, Teddy was named ‘Best Up and Coming Comedian’ at the Scottish Variety Awards in 2010. He’s written for two BBC Radio 5 ‘Unsporting Reviews of the Year’, and has also worked as both writer and script editor on the BBC1 Scotland football shows ‘Offside’ & ‘Only An Excuse?’. He’s been a Rangers season-ticket holder for the past 17 years, but he’s all about the football not “all that other shite”. Also has a fondness for Dynamo Kyiv that can be traced back to an unhealthy obsession with Alexei Mikhailitchenko (or Oleksiy Mykhalychenko if you prefer to transliterate from the Ukrainian rather than the Russian. That’s the unhealthy obsession we’re talking about.)
“brilliant Scottish comic”Kate Copstick, Scotland on Sunday
“Head, shoulders, knees and toes above the rest…mighty stage presence and impressively high punchline ratio”Brian Donaldson, Scotsman
“freshly minted topical gags…pin-sharp lines…great routine…a class act”Steve Bennett, Chortle.co.uk
