Before we begin this article, just to let you know that the 1st episode of the Scottish Comedy FC podcast is now available. You can hear it and also subscribe via iTunes here
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Tasting notes from a recent Glasgow Whisky Tour.
Ben Riach
Colour: Soggy Chip Bag
Nose: A carpet of extinguished cigars
Body: Davina McCall pre first pregnancy
Finish: Johnny Rep’s second goal for Holland against Scotland in the 1978 World Cup which took the sheen off Gemmell’s legendary effort moments earlier.
Tullibardine
Colour: Michael Jackson circa 1992
Nose: A Farmer’s raincoat drying out in the utility room.
Body: Les Dawson’ Mother-in-law
Finish: Gary Caldwell’s lunging, slightly fortuitous goal against France, that despite it’s bludgeoned delivery resulted in sheer delight.
Tomatin
Colour: Tuesday Morning No. 1
Nose: Sunday Morning No. 2
Body: Marge Simpson
Finish: Chris Iwelomu against Norway, if he turned his heel 5mm more to the right
Port Charlotte
Colour: Tea with no milk on a Scotrail service.
Nose: The steam from boiled Hippo’s tears.
Body: Vacuum packed Sumo Wrestler
Finish: Stephen McManus’ blush sparing header in the last minute against Liechtenstein.
Bruichladdich
Colour: Caramel Keg wrapper
Nose: Burning Pixie hair
Body: Lorraine Kelly 1995
Finish: McFAAADDDEN
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About the Author
Pearse, originally from Cork, has spent nearly a decade in Scotland, and first started Stand up in August 2009. Since then he has reached the final of several national comedy competitions including the 2011 Scottish Comedian of the Year.
He was born into a warm analog world and is getting bitter at the cold digital grave that he is destined to die in. Football is the only constant he trusts in the chaos.
“Masterful images” – Chortle
“A bright future” – The Scotsman
“Irish” – The List
Have internet fun with him at www.pearsejames.com or @pearsejames.
