Or if you like it retro and have been playing the game since the late 90’s you would of course call it “Champ Man”. You can really out yourself as a fuddy-duddy 30-something (the haggard look, beard and constant look of despair helps too) when you refer to the game as Champ Man. I say game, but I really mean, crutch.
You couldn’t beat the thrill of starting a new game. It would sometimes take half an hour to even select which team to go on this occasion – do you go for taking a mid-table side in the Premier League and try to get in the top four, or do you go Boston United and try to win three consecutive promotions to reach the Premier League.
Then as money makes the world go round, especially virtual pennies in the game, you have to select a team that has some money for transfers etc so you could put your stamp on the team, whatever that might mean when you are a punk kid with no football experience.
I remember just about having a panic attack one time when I had started a match without my usual captain in place and wondering who the game had automatically picked as captain. I mean, what if I didn’t like his name. That has happened before too, not signing players because you don’t like their name, or they play for THEM – you know that team the real Ross Leslie hates.
That was the other thing, when you faced a team you didn’t like you ended up getting yourself pumped up and ultimately let down when you lost. And you could never play in a league where you would be up against the team you love – what if you had to beat them to win the fake league and they got fake relegated – no way Jose!
I suppose deep down that’s probably why I became disheartened and stopped playing, either that or the withdrawal of certain perks to being married if “I didn’t stop playing that f*cking game”.
It’s not so bad; I’ve still got my methadone to keep the trembling under control.
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About the Author
At 31 years old, Ross Leslie, is a relative latecomer to the comedy scene and with his general appearance you would be forgiven for thinking he is an even later-comer, which is a phrase that should hopefully not catch on as it sounds a little uncouth.
As well as starting out in the stand-up comedy world, Ross writes articles and blogs for various other websites and has other TV and radio projects in the pipeline that will probably never see the light of day, however at least it has cured his Football Manager addiction.
A lifelong Rangers fan, Ross’s first game was at Tynecastle in 1986 to watch Hearts hump us 3-1, when they used to be a football team and not the tabloid-fodder they have become. His favourite human being (apart from any family or friends reading this) are Alistair (Ally to everyone apart from Walter Smith for some reason) McCoist, with (King) Kenny Miller a close second.
Best memory from supporting Rangers was when leaving Ibrox after Rangers had annihilated Sturm Graz 5-0 telling his impressionable younger brother that he would take him to the Champions League Final they would definitely be making this year.
Please visit Ross on his Tumblr blog and Twitter page for more disappointment and resentment.
Follow Ross on Twitter: @misterross
Read Ross’ blog: http://mum-blings.tumblr.com/
