The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn last season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football, who may next season bless you with a modest run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to those omnipotent bastards.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are going to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched and leaked every week until the start of next season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. Eintracht Frankfurt
It goes without saying that all of these posts are entirely subjective and therefore I’m going to say it loud and proud. Eintracht Frankfurt’s kits (both of them!) for next season are among the nicest I’ve ever seen. Fair play to Nike for keeping it simple and that monochromatic away kit is enough to bring a tear to the eye.
4. Nottingham Forest
Gold and red, while being a bit Christmassy, just works together and to celebrate their 150th Anniversary, Nottingham Forest have brought out this offering from Adidas. Reminiscent of the 2014 Spain kit, this looks like it could be a winner, until the club add their no doubt hideous sponsor logo.
Unfortunately it does use the weird polka dot neck which Adidas have added to their range this season but it’s not quite as troubling as Aberdeen’s.
3. Monaco
Monaco have a pretty weird kit to start with and it often looks completely awful, particularly when it’s emblazoned with the multiple sponsors popular in France’s Ligue 1. That being said, this effort looks slick, clean and has enough red highlights to ensure that the split strip doesn’t look like someone’s spilled paint all over it.
2. Atletico Madrid
Red and white stripes, it’s not difficult. Atletico make it into this week’s countdown for their launch photo where manager Diego Simeone plays the photographer. This was taken just moments before he beat Antoine Griezmann into submission for merely suggesting that he might like to play for Chelsea.
1. Porto
Lost among the news of Partick Thistle’s new mascot this week was Porto’s new away kit. New Balance, rebranded from their subsidiary Warrior for the upcoming season, have made some of the tidiest kits released so far with Celtic’s home and away tops being notable for their lip smacking good looks.
That brings us to Porto’s away kit. A ‘bronze’ and brown effort vaguely resembling that Coventry City away kit from the 70s which has given all but those with the strongest stomachs the boke. Luckily for Porto fans who would rather not look like a Bourbon Cream next season, New Balance have managed to do a decent job with their home kit.
Not that bloody hard, is it?
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
