If you’ve read the back pages or turned on Sky Sports News this week you’ll have seen the same story: “Harry Rednapp has made a sensational return to sporting world as the brand new England manager… of bowls, that is.”
Harry’s back. And this time he’s plugging a ‘hilarious’ advert for Flexiseq, a drug-free gel to combat joint pain and arthritis. In the advert he’s appointed, and you’ll never believe this, to manage, you’ll never guess, England’s bowls team. What a laugh!
Or better yet, don’t. Before you rush out and buy Flexiseq, I should point out that no matter how funny you find the advert, or how much you love ’Arry, even Flexiseq’s manufacturer describes the gel as “drug free” – the same as cardboard, blades of grass and Robert Downey Jr. You may as well rub your body with jelly for all the good it would do you. But that doesn’t stop Harry from advertising it because, to be honest, Harry will advertise anything. Even a gel that is described by one Amazon reviewer as “Nice box. Other than that completely useless. A waste of money.”
As we all know this isn’t the first time Redknapp’s tried to flog a dud. Marco Boogers, Florin Raducioiu, Dani, Javier Margas, Christopher Samba… need I go on? Harry’s got more dodgy duds than the man down the Barras selling Calvin Clean boxers and Timmy Hillfinger jumpers from the back of his van.
Yet, despite this record, Harry’s become the face of many different products, which I’ve gathered together below. I can only guess that Harry’s the popular choice because if you want someone to pretend to be a football manager then Harry’s your man – he’s been pretending for years.
8. Sky Sports Fantasy Football
For a brief period, Sky Sports was going to be renamed the Harry Redknapp channel. Not only did he appear on every programme – there he is on Soccer AM, now he’s on Super Sunday – he also appeared in every advert. Here is advertising Sky Sports Fantasy Football because if there’s one man who knows how to pick players who look good on paper it’s our Harry.
7. Virgin Media
Sometimes, when Harry’s big red face appears on screen, I turn down the colour in case it wears out my telly. In this advert Virgin Media took care of that problem by only using Harry’s voice. Result. Instead, Peter Crouch is the star of this advert. Which was much better. Now when I see Crouchy, just like when watching Match Of The Day, I turn the telly off.
6. Nintendo Wii
Some people say that a sign of a stroke is numbness or weakness in your face, arm, or leg, especially on one side. I say it’s agreeing to star in this advert. Harry, are you well? What are you thinking? Someone call a doctor – it’s a cry for help.
5. Thomas Cook
While Harry saw a doctor his son, former footballer and professional Zoolander impersonator, Jamie Redknapp stood in for him with this bizarre soft porn ode to Jamie; his wife Louise; and topless golf.
https://youtu.be/2Z23jLO1Yk0
4. 666Bet.com
“We need a football manager who loves to make reckless gambles?”
Shortest casting meeting ever.
3. Prostate Cancer UK
Harry’s starred in a lot of adverts. He’s a busy man. But, if you can’t get Harry, don’t worry, you can always get John Culshaw to pretend to be Harry instead.
2. Coral
And, if Culshaw’s too busy, just get anyone off the street to pretend to be Harry instead – even if they’ve clearly never heard Harry or seen him before. How bad can they be? Answer: really, really bad.
1. Bournemouth
Finally, Redknapp stars in decent advert shocker. This spoof of the ‘Come To California’ adverts features Harry promoting Bournemouth with a spot of golf – thankfully he keeps his clothes only.
https://youtu.be/IFmYi_7oV3o
Andrew Todd was speaking on behalf of “Jukebox Durie: the best and worst of football & music” – the only book that, if you rub it on your hands and knees, has all the pain relieving powers of Flexiseq i.e. none. (Or maybe it does, we have no idea – Ed.)
He’s a part-time comedian and in 2014, he supported Eddie Izzard in ‘Please Don’t Go’, Izzard’s show about Scottish independence and worked with BBC Radio Scotland as a weekly guest on Referendum Tonight.
