The Scottish Comedy FC Podcast is out now. Subscribe/download/listen HERE
It’s almost impossible to write anything speculative about what may happen to Rangers at the moment. There is so much going on that it’s difficult to settle on one topic with any certainty. On certain days the number of “developments” (copyright Sky Sports News speak) means that if you put a blog on a website then an hour later information will come out that leaves the blog as irrelevant as Neil Lennon’s referees Christmas card list.
As I write this (Monday the 23rdof April at 9.00pm) there is delays to the announcement of a preferred bidder as no one has made an offer the administrators feel is acceptable. The buzz over the weekend was around the bid from American Bill Miller, leading to the Daily Record using the headline “It’s Miller Time” for about the millionth time.
Yet last week it was Bill Ng. An interesting character who has previous with troubled clubs. At Tiong Bahru United he reduced debt by cutting staff and installing fruit machines around the stadium. He would struggle to do this at Ibrox as the club currently owes Scottish Hydro Electric £62,500.
The week before it was the Blue Knights and the week before it was Brian Kennedy. The club has had more suitors than Jodie Marsh. Much like Marsh potential suitors are weary of what they are getting into and making conditional offers just in case they get stung financially or get their arse kicked.
The story that has transpired so far has had more twists than a Chubby Checker CD left on repeat. It’s difficult to try to make any sense of what is actually going on. There are so many ifs and buts that all have various potential scenarios and factors linked to them it sometimes fails to make any sense. It would be an easier task to sort things like unemployment,
the global economy or why has Steve Kean still got a job.
Then hovering in the shadows like the hooded claw is the panto villain himself Craig Whyte. What will become of him. At the point of writing this he still lays claim to the club. Technically any takeover cannot be completed, at the moment, without his say so. He could dig his heels in. He could even walk away from this with some money. Like the proverbial man who fell in a bucket of shit and came out holding a fiver.
When administration was announced on the 14th of February even the most pessimistic of Rangers fan would have thought the process would have been further down the line than it is at this moment in time. The general certainty is that whatever transpires will be more painful than listening to a Justin Bieber album.
Over the past few years the some sections of the Rangers support has tarnished the reputation of the club by their actions, but it’s worth noting some of the actions of sections of the support during the administration. When the list of creditors the club had been published it was clear that a number of small firms and individuals were owed money. Some of these were pretty embarrassing reading. Newsagents, taxi firms, picture framers, even a facepainter was owed £40. It may have been that Craig Whyte thought if he got his face painted people wouldn’t recognise him?
What has been happening though is that some of these firms, and the facepainter, have been visited by fans who have paid them the money they are owed. One story stands out above them all though in and it concerns and it’s of Glencairn Crystal. The made a glass decanter and a blue trophy which was presented to Davie Weir when he left the club. The £354 for these was never paid. Mark Hateley’s comments regarding a “tainted trophy” would be more appropriate when applied to this embarrassing tale.
A group of fans felt that given the fact that what the trophy was for it shouldn’t be dragged into the mire. They arranged a northern soul night to raise the money to pay Glencairn (whose MD has pledged to donate the cash to a fan’s charity). It would be a decent gesture from Whyte to turn up to some of these creditors and pay off what is owed from his own ‘fortune’ (sic). This is about as likely as Hugh Grant inviting Rebekah Brooks over for tea and scones.
On a personal level I want this to be over quickly. The whole thing is tougher to watch than the sex and the city movies. It would also mean that could write blogs about things other than Rangers.
Addition. Since finishing writing this article on Monday evening, the SFA have given Whyte a lifetime ban from Scottish Football, a £200,000 fine and banned Rangers from registering players for 12 months. I could write something funny, but it will probably be irrelevant in the morning.
About the Author
John started his comedy career back in 2008 after his wife signed him up for a comedy competition in the Sunday Mail, without his knowledge. He ended up winning it and going on to the final of So You Think You’re Funny. A year later he won Scottish Comedian of the year. He talks about his home life with his wife and 3 daughters mostly as there is very little else exciting that happens in his life.
He has followed Rangers all his life. As a 5-year-old boy he spent his birthday money on his first Rangers strip complete with number 9 on the back. It was also around that time that he was taken to a barbers for a haircut and asked to get his hair done like Frank McAvennie. As he had short, brown, poker straight hair the barber struggled to recreate the long blonde permed look that McAvennie sported at the time. This is a tale that his mother likes to share from time to time.
He also distantly related to Rangers hall of fame member Willie Waddell. It is very distant, but its close enough that he likes to use this to make him look like a big man.
His football career took a nose dive in secondary school when he found out he was actually a better rugby player than footballer. Brief stints at 5 a sides in 20′s followed. Since a tragic accident in which he slipped and fell on some ice due to his insistence on wearing converse all-stars, he broke his left leg. Since then he has been too much of a big Jessie to grace a pitch again.
“All the makings of a class act” – Chortle
“Brilliant” – Sunday Mail
“Hard hitting and side splitting” – Daily Record
“There’s a rosy future ahead for John Gavin” – Scotsman
“Very Impressive” – Edinburgh Evening News
Follow John on Twitter – @johngavincomedy
John’s website – www.johngavincomedy.com
