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Editor’s Note: Though this site is normally reserved for comedians, Michael Park is the exception that proves the rule. He founded the football site Scheidt’s Footballing Miscellany and its accompanying Scheidtcast podcast. That site paved the way for the Scottish Comedy FC site you now see. So as the Godfather (or midwife?) of this site, he’s been given a pass. Has he been involved in the comedy circuit? Yes, he’s reviewed it. Again, we’ll let that pass…
Michael Nelson was not a name I had ever heard before and, as someone who plays more Football Manager than is necessarily healthy, I’ve heard a lot of names. He came to us with the usual pedigree of unassuming clubs including an auspicious thirty-nine appearances for Norwich City in League 1. Having seen the club re-sign Mahamadou Sissoko on loan from Udinese, I was underwhelmed by the signing of the 31-year-old Nelson.
I am – despite my general demeanour – an eternal optimist when it comes to football. I have long believed in the potential of Ryan O’Leary (nephew of David) and when he’s 100% fit, I would trust him to the end of… my patience. Unfortunately, O’Leary has only made 21 appearances for Kilmarnock since the beginning of the 2011/12 season and is significantly more fragile than a matchstick house filled with Fabergé eggs. Despite this, I was still underwhelmed by the signing of Michael Nelson.
I used to be an idiot but an idiot with pondering grounds and a desire to see Garry Hay deployed as the world’s cheapest Andrea Pirlo.
Michael Nelson came into the side and immediately we looked more settled. My anxiety about Zdeněk Kroča being our only centre back with Ryan O’Leary out and Patrick Ada having left (thankfully, given the nature of his later conviction) was abated. Nelson wasn’t the fastest centre back and in some games he looked as though he was ready to throw in the towel after seventy minutes but in time, he became one of our most influential players.
Nelson was the sort of player that you could trust to make that last ditch tackle or – if things were really tough- throw forward in the pursuit of that headed goal. Nelson was an experienced head who seemed to be a positive influence both on and off the pitch.
I was wrong to have been underwhelmed by Michael Nelson. We have just sold Michael Nelson to Bradford City for £50,000.
At the time of writing, the Dundee Courier is reporting that Harkins is now holding out for a permanent deal at Dundee and his loan move could be in the balance so I’ll assume he left as I firmly believe he will.
I won’t deny for a second that Kilmarnock are in a pretty dire financial position and unusually enough Kenny Shiels has not minced his words on the matter. We had to sell Michael Nelson and we had to sell Liam Kelly. Harkins? He fell out with the manager after being withdrawn against Hibs. It’s a shame but you wouldn’t expect Kenny Shiels to back down, would you?
The sums involved are minuscule but in Nelson’s case probably fair and the desire of Kelly to be closer to his family after the death of his father probably expedited his transfer out of the club but their absence leaves a giant hole in the heart of our side.
Shiels has already brought in Rabiu Ibrahim who could easily replace Gary Harkins and, at 21 years old, has bags more potential than ‘Glorious Gary’ but it is the industrious and incisive work of Kelly coupled with the solid defensive displays of Nelson that we will miss the most.
What next then?
The club’s need to cut the wage bill is pressing but with only Momo “That Cross-Field Backpass to Gary Hooper” Sissoko and Ryan “I Appear To Have Broken A Bone – Again” O’Leary as our only fit centre backs and the comically pint-sized Lee Johnson as an option in the middle, Kilmarnock need to strengthen to keep up their push for the Top Six (I know – woo and yay).
It’s the old debate of youth vs. experience and the long-term option vs. the short. It will be interesting (and nerve-wracking) couple of weeks as we approach the end of the transfer window. My hope is that we pick up another seasoned professional like Nelson that I can be wrong about again. A shuffle of priorities in midfield should see us with enough cover to get through the season but it will be down to players like James Dayton and especially Danny Racchi to step up and fulfill their promise.
Who knows, maybe they can move to England for tuppence-ha’penny if they do.
You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
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About the Author
When not corrupting glove puppets, Michael Park spends most of his time not being a comedian. As the former editor of the long-dead ‘Scheidt’s Footballing Miscellany’, Editor Teddy has given him license to spray his snark-ridden soccer surveyances over Scottish Comedy FC because he owes him “a favour” and “some money”.
Michael was once asked on to BBC World Service to talk about Wayne Rooney’s wage demands but after the producer found out how to pronounce ‘Scheidt’ he was never asked back. Since then he has created Sawker, a site all about football fallacies… and pictures.
He supports Kilmarnock Football Club and is largely unapologetic about it.
Follow Sawker on Twitter: @sawkernews
Check out the Sawker Tumblr site: http://sawker.tumblr.com
