Michael Park brings you Sawker's Transfer Rumours Part 2

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Louis Saha has been told he can leave Sunderland as Martin O’Neill seeks someone who can put the ball in the net.

Arsene Wenger has revealed Theo Walcott is finally on the verge of signing a new contract at Arsenal despite rumours that he has signed a contract to be Lewis Hamilton’s stunt double.

Wigan Athletic still want to sign Leeds United star striker Luciano Becchio, as manager Roberto Martinez doesn’t feel he has enough strikers who are woefully out of their depth in the Premier League.

Swansea City are stepping up their efforts to sign Stoke City striker Kenwyne Jones who will be allowed to leave for £6million, making him the most over-valued player in world football.

Deciding to focus his spending on midfielders and strikers, 'Arry decided to offer Jose the chance to patch things up via the medium of a slap-off. — Deciding to focus his spending on midfielders and strikers, ‘Arry decided to offer Jose the chance to patch things up via the medium of a slap-off.

QPR are the prime candidates to sign every midfield player currently playing professional football after failing to realise manager Harry Redknapp’s modus operandi.

West Bromwich Albion striker Peter Odemwingie is ready to ask for a transfer to push through a move to Championship promotion candidates Queens Park Rangers.

Montpellier have confirmed they are willing to listen to offers for winger Younes Belhanda, as long as they are presented in the form of a boy band.

Harry Redknapp believes the monster new TV deal justifies his QPR club record deal for Loic Remy, although you don’t get any of that when you’re in the Championship.

Wait 'til you see the giant rotating gold statue of himself in the garden. — Wait ’til you see the giant rotating gold statue of himself in the garden.

Tom Ince has seen his return to Liverpool put on hold – because Blackpool chairman Karl Oyston is refusing to take Brendan Rodgers’ calls until he agrees to give him the portrait of himself which he keeps in his living room.

Reading are set to sign aptly-named Zambia centre-half Stoppila Sunzu in a £3million deal.

AC Milan are looking to sign a new goalkeeper in the summer and they are scouting former Newcastle goalkeeper Shaka Hislop as he’s the only ‘keeper that they can afford.

Juventus have set a 10-day limit to sign one of Didier Drogba, Fernando Llorente or Lisandro Lopez. Otherwise they will release their players, disband and form a bookmaker.

QPR have offered €8.5 million to sign Yann M’Vila but club officials have upped price to €10 million for the midfielder after realising they’re almost 20 million out of pocket.

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About the Author
When not corrupting glove puppets, Michael Park spends most of his time not being a comedian. As the former editor of the long-dead ‘Scheidt’s Footballing Miscellany’, Editor Teddy has given him license to spray his snark-ridden soccer surveyances over Scottish Comedy FC because he owes him “a favour” and “some money”.

Michael was once asked on to BBC World Service to talk about Wayne Rooney’s wage demands but after the producer found out how to pronounce ‘Scheidt’ he was never asked back. Since then he has created Sawker, a site all about football fallacies… and pictures.

Michael Park brings you Sawker’s Transfer Rumours Part 2

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