Weekend Football Excitement with Ross Leslie

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Congratulations to Kenny Dalglish and Liverpool on their first trophy in 6 years and Kenny’s first trophy on his return to the club as manager.  Kenny went through his full facets of emotions on Sunday afternoon/evening, ranging from morose through surly to moody.

The final was very good, I’ve been told, as unfortunately I feel asleep at half time and this is despite me not watching on BBC.  Surely if I watched Hansen, Shearer et al I would never have woken again and this article would have to be ghost-written.  Geddit?

SKY coverage was not much better as Man-Jeggings wearing Redknapp literally made me want to rip off my ears and throw them at the TV.  See, Jamie, I used the word correctly.

Arsenal mounted an incredible comeback at the Emirates to come back from two down to hammer their rivals Tottenham 5-2, which gave all of us a lesson in fickleness (don’t worry I checked it is fickleness and not “ficklety”, which is what I thought it might be at first).  The lesson for the grown men screaming abuse at other grown men, plus Theo Walcott, is that they are live on television and are bound to look like flipping tubes when their team turns it around and they then celebrate like they are part of it all.

Ryan Giggs scored in his 900th game for Manchester United to seal an important victory at the death, which prompted Sir Alex Ferguson to laud him.  “He has had an amazing career, and is an amazing man”  Half right Fergie.

Rangers won 4-1 in Inverness, a tricky place to play as patronisingly described by both members of the Old Firm just prior to humping them just about every time they visit.  Goals from Davis, McCulloch, Little and major financier Sone Aluko gave them a victory.  Aluko by rights should be one of the few players kept when a cull is announced this week as he has sunk 100,000 times more money into the club than Jim Carrey-in-the-mask-impersonator, Craig Whyte.

Frank Lampard has manager issues with AVB, whose full name my brain cannot be bothered to remember anymore.  Must be tough when your boss is younger than you.  Explains Davie Weir’s exit.

Irena Demin did her best AirForce hand-dryer impression at half-time as the team part owned by her husband, Bournemouth trailed MK Dons at half time 1-0.  The score remained the same at the end of the match, so there is an argument that this sort of thing works.  I look forward to hearing of David Furnish getting stuck into those naughty boys at Vicarage Road in the coming weeks.

Neil Lennon is amazed that Fraser Forster and Gary Hooper are not included in the England squad for the upcoming friendly with the Netherlands.  Craig Levein ears pricked up and is presently stroking his widely ridiculed beard in response.  Lennon, probably justifiably as his team look unstoppable (in Scotland) just now, believes they should at least have a chance especially so as Fraizer Campbell made the experimental squad.

And finally, Yugoslav legend, Dragan Stojkovic had a grenade thrown at his residence in Belgrade, whilst he works for Nagoya Grampus Eight in Japan.  Stojkovic, in a breathtaking level of naivety, believes the grenade was not aimed for him, and was certainly not in retaliation to him being thrown out of a cafe by Red Star fans a couple of months ago.  Worryingly this suggests that someone else living on his street must have done something so bad that required a grenade being thrown at their home. Something that seems to be increasingly common in football, as Kenny Dalglish once had a grenade left on his garden wall that was intended for one of his neighbours. Perhaps explaining his pained expressions from the start of this article. He’d probably just remembered that the lawn needed mowing when he got home and that, unless Merseyside’s gangland community had finally got to grips with google maps, he might be mowing a minefield.

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About the Author
At 31 years old, Ross Leslie, is a relative latecomer to the comedy scene and with his general appearance you would be forgiven for thinking he is an even later-comer, which is a phrase that should hopefully not catch on as it sounds a little uncouth.

As well as starting out in the stand-up comedy world, Ross writes articles and blogs for various other websites and has other TV and radio projects in the pipeline that will probably never see the light of day, however at least it has cured his Football Manager addiction.

A lifelong Rangers fan, Ross’s first game was at Tynecastle in 1986 to watch Hearts hump us 3-1, when they used to be a football team and not the tabloid-fodder they have become. His favourite human being (apart from any family or friends reading this) are Alistair (Ally to everyone apart from Walter Smith for some reason) McCoist, with (King) Kenny Miller a close second.

Best memory from supporting Rangers was when leaving Ibrox after Rangers had annihilated Sturm Graz 5-0 telling his impressionable younger brother that he would take him to the Champions League Final they would definitely be making this year.

Please visit Ross on his Tumblr blog and Twitter page for more disappointment and resentment.

Follow Ross on Twitter: @misterross
Read Ross’ blog: http://mum-blings.tumblr.com/

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