Much has been made of the antics of Mario Ballotelli since his arrival amongst Manchester City’s very own Galacticos. Not so much for his performances on the pitch, which have been – it’s fair to say – patchy. The majority of chat based around Balotelli has been around his off-field activities. Some of these may have been exaggerated, but stories have included –
• Being pulled over by the police while driving one of his sports cars with £25,000 in cash on the passenger seat. His explanation for having this amount of cash? “I’m rich”.
• Building a race track in his garden.
• Conducting a minor fireworks display in the bathroom of his 5th floor apartment.
What makes Balotelli stand out among current professional footballers though is not so much his actions, but more that fact that he actually has any actions.
A factor that has made the number of proper characters in football disappear is the money involved. Footballers at the top level are highly tuned athletes who are expected to perform at the optimum level every week. They have a relatively short career and know that if they want to extend that career past their 30th birthday then they have to limit their excesses. If they were to live to excess then their performances on the pitch would suffer, meaning they would lose out in the long run.
They also rely on endorsements from sponsors and therefore try carefully to manage how they are perceived off the pitch. They realise that an off field misdemeanour could cost them thousands. Given their past form, could you imagine Ashley Cole advertising a Vodafone unlimited text messages campaign? Or John Terry……well…..actually the list of things he has done means he will be lucky to even get a shot at celebrity bargain hunt.
Whilst footballers should behave as decent human beings and ambassadors for club and country it would be nice to have the antics of some of the players of yesteryear. Yes, they were mental, but most of us have in the darkest parts of the psyche an element that thinks “If I was 21 and on hundreds of thousands of pounds a week, I’d probably give that a bash”.
The most recent real character to grace Scottish Football would probably be Fernando Ricksen. During his Ibrox career he –
• Threw Rangers chairman John McLelland in a swimming pool fully clothed.
• Was axed from the Holland squad for smashing a hotel room door down after a night out.
• Admitted a charge of breach of the peace for letting off fireworks in his garden in the early hours of the morning. He also admitted assaulting a neighbour who complained about the noise.
• Went on a 7 day ‘bender’ after a league title win which included shouting through the letterbox of his neighbour’s house. The neighbour being then Celtic player (now member of Celtic’s coaching staff) Alan Thompson.
• Was sent home from a club tour of South Africa after a drunken altercation with an air stewardess on the flight out. The News of the World claimed he’d spent the flight watching porn on his laptop.
• Sat in his back garden watching a lap dancer he’d brought home bounce up and down in a state of undress on his trampoline.
• Stalled an attempted reconciliation with his estranged wife by spending the night in a lapdancing bar snogging Jordan.
Whilst the two players are poles apart in terms of ability the thing that makes both comparable is that their off-field antics will always be questioned when they don’t produce the goods on the pitch. Ricksen was a player who only fleetingly lived up to his potential and it is yet to be seen whether or not Balotelli will ever become the player he clearly has the talent to be. Because of this, it’s hard for fans to really take these players to their hearts.
The technical ability of players has improved dramatically over the last decade, but it’s a shame that today’s kids don’t have the likes of a Paul Gascoigne to watch and read about. Someone who did all the crazy stuff, but could still turn it on where it mattered, on the pitch.
Imagine in 10 years time during an armed police standoff police, if Mario Ballotelli or Fernando Ricksen turned up with some chicken, beer and a fishing rod ‘trying to help’, would we really care?
Maybe there is a chance Lionel Messi just loses it one day and decides to stage his own fireworks display complete with naked lap dancers on trampolines, but until then the game will remain just that little duller than it used to be.
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About the Author
John started his comedy career back in 2008 after his wife signed him up for a comedy competition in the Sunday Mail, without his knowledge. He ended up winning it and going on to the final of So You Think You’re Funny. A year later he won Scottish Comedian of the year. He talks about his home life with his wife and 3 daughters mostly as there is very little else exciting that happens in his life.
He has followed Rangers all his life. As a 5 year old boy he spent his birthday money on his first Rangers strip complete with number 9 on the back. It was also around that time that he was taken to a barbers for a haircut and asked to get his hair done like Frank McAvennie. As he had short, brown, poker straight hair the barber struggled to recreate the long blonde permed look that McAvennie sported at the time. This is a tale that his mother likes to share from time to time.
He also distantly related to Rangers hall of fame member Willie Waddell. It is very distant, but its close enough that he likes to use this to make him look like a big man.
His football career took a nose dive in secondary school when he found out he was actually a better rugby player than footballer. Brief stints at 5 a sides in 20′s followed. Since a tragic accident in which he slipped and fell on some ice due to his insistance on wearing converse all stars, he broke his left leg. Since then he has been too much of a big Jessie to grace a pitch again.
“All the makings of a class act” – Chortle
“Brilliant” – Sunday Mail
“Hard hitting and side splitting” – Daily Record
“There’s a rosy future ahead for John Gavin” – Scotsman
“Very Impressive” – Edinburgh Evening News
Follow John on Twitter – @johngavincomedy
John’s website – www.johngavincomedy.com
Mario Ballotelli must have been emulating his lottery winning hero Michael Carroll, nice post.