There’s a parallel universe very close to ours, possibly the next one along, where life worked out very differently for one particular young man. That universe’s tale was identical to our own until six years ago this week. There Gordon Strachan, the then manager of Celtic Football Club, was sitting in his office pondering over the recruitment of a new central defender. He lacked faith in the brutish but reliable Bobo Balde who already filled the role and aspired to select someone more elegant and cultured. Alas there was little money available for Strachan to upgrade so anyone signed would have to be cheap. Strachan went one better and picked up Hibernian’s Gary Caldwell for free. The moment Gordon Strachan convinced himself this was a good decision our reality was created, but ours may not be the only one:
An alternate reality
Gordon Strachan had been impressed by the way Gary Caldwell vocally marshalled Hibs’ defence during Celtic’s recent 3-2 win over the Edinburgh side at Celtic Park. But after much consideration he realised for all his expressive leadership skills Hibs had still leaked three goals. Strachan thought better of it and opted to find an alternative elsewhere. This left Caldwell a Hibs player with his contract running down as summer 2006 approached. His agent met with Hibs’ manager Tony Mowbray to negotiate new terms. Mowbray, initially a fond admirer of the way Caldwell spoke a good game had grown less impressed when seeing the player in action over an extended period. For all of Caldwell’s talk he was just as keen to lump the ball long up the park as any other journeyman Scottish centre-half. The only real difference being Caldwell needed more time to execute said hoofs because he was so slow. Mowbray offered Caldwell a two year deal on the same money as before, Caldwell felt he could earn more else where and opted to leave Easter Road on a Bosman.
During the summer of 2006 Caldwell’s agent contacted every club in the Scottish Premier League. By mid-July, with most teams already well into their pre-season training, he was still without a club and freed his agent to now listen to offers from Scottish Football League sides. Gretna came in with a good offer and by signing for the rapidly rising Dumfries and Galloway club Caldwell was reunited with fellow former Newcastle United reserve players Colin McMenamin and Ryan McGuffie.
During the 2006/07 season Caldwell featured prominently as Gretna stormed the First Division and achieved promotion to the SPL. In the summer of 2007 Kilmarnock approached Gretna with a bid to sign Caldwell, however the personal terms the Ayrshire club offered were less lucrative than he was already receiving so he opted to stay at Gretna. Gretna began the 2007/08 season admirably and competed well with other bottom half of the table sides. There finest achievements were draws with both sides of the Old Firm; a 1-1 draw with Celtic at Motherwell’s Fir Park and a more impressive 0-0 against Rangers at Ibrox. After the draw at Ibrox Gary Caldwell was given the man-of-the-match award. Performances on the field however covered up for financial irregularities within the club and before the end of the season Gretna went into administration making all their players redundant.
Caldwell’s solid performance against Rangers the previous season had left an impression and the cashed-strapped Glasgow club approached the now free agent. He signed for Rangers on July 1st, 2008 and was keen to tell Rangers fans how he’d always been one of them. The Daily Record had a full two page spread where Caldwell emphasised how much he enjoyed his childhood trips to Ibrox with an unnamed uncle.
These were different times for the once mighty Glasgow Rangers. Walter Smith had returned to the club having failed as Scotland manager and built an ultra-defensive side on the twin immobile pillars of Caldwell and veteran David Weir. This proved a disaster as managers throughout the SPL realised any pacey attacker could get the better of them. At Christmas Rangers sat at fifth place in the table. In the second half of the season their form improved and they finished comfortably in second place, but Caldwell had lost his place in the match day squads. He stayed on at Rangers until his contract expired in summer 2010 but he never played again for the club. On leaving his boyhood heroes he signed for Kilmarnock.
During his first full season at Kilmarnock Caldwell performed admirably considering he’d been out of first team football for over a year. He sometimes played in midfield and Kilmarnock easily avoided relegation though failed to achieve a top six place.
Gary Caldwell never added to the 20 international caps he’d received before 2006. But Scotland fared well qualifying for both the 2008 European Championships and the 2010 World Cup in South Africa. Celtic went on to win six consecutive SPL titles.
Gary Caldwell still plays for Kilmarnock and is now a regular pundit on BBC Scotland’s Sportscene.
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About the Author
Celtic fan Antony Murray performs comedy the way he once performed as a midfielder on the uneven amateur pitches of Scotland; intelligent, slow, occasional moments of brilliance followed by a failure to impress hordes who disagree with his passion for the aesthetic. He firmly believes had he been born in Holland or Spain he would have played to a “slightly higher” level. Instead his talents are regularly on show at The Stand Comedy Clubs or the Glasgow Green five-a-side pitches. He once followed Marco van Basten 18 holes around a cold and wet Carnoustie Golf Club only to be disappointed by how unappreciative the Dutchman was.
You can follow Antony on Twitter: @TheAntonyMurray
