Take me to a game! Jamie Andrew makes a plea…

Another reminder. Please download the Scottish Comedy FC podcast via iTunes HERE

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If you’ve followed my last two articles on the site you’ll know that I’m Scottish Comedy FC’s anti-football savant. ‘One for the ladies,’ I guess you could say.

Well, I’m sick of this moniker. It’s eroding my own sense of Scottish identity, which is becoming more and more important to grab on to in these times of looming independence. Plus, I know nothing about cars except for which colours I think are the coolest, so my masculinity is at stake, too (Well, I can change a tyre, but if you were to ask me, ‘What kind of tyre is it?’, my answer would be, ‘A round one’).

So I’m looking for one of you dear readers out there to take me to a match. Take me to the game you think will best stoke the fitba’ fire in my heart, whether that’s an Old Firm clash, a two-bit derby on some God-forsaken patch of mud somewhere in East Kilbride, or a particularly violent clash between tattooed drunks as part of a pub league. So what game would be most likely to convert me to football, and why? Drop us a line and let us know. The ‘winner’ gets to endure my company for ninety-plus minutes as I piss and moan about what a shite time I’m having.

But who knows? Pick right, and convince me of the beautiful game’s worth, and this time next month I too might be ignoring my girlfriend’s existence in favour of eleven men booting a sphere up and down a strip of grass, not crying at my mother’s funeral but gushing floods of tears at my team’s relegation, and glassing my best mate in the pub because he called my favourite striker a ‘diving bufty’.

Get to it, people. Here’s your brief spelled out in numbered-list format:

1.) Tell me what specific match, or what kind of match, would be the best one for a non-football-loving asshole like me to witness, and why.

2.) Take me to that match and try to convince me further of its value and importance.

3.) Read my account of the experience on this site later on in the winter.

Offers from season-ticket holders with space in a hospitality box especially welcome.

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About the Author
Jamie Andrew has been on the comedy circuit for just over a year, and in that time has come to the attention of at least three different people; three of whom didn’t think he was that good. Despite this, he got to the final of the Hilarity Bites New Act competition 2011 in Darlington, and had a run with his show, God vs Jamie Andrew, at the PBH Free Fringe Festival at Edinburgh. The same three people came to see him there. They still didn’t like him.

It’s not surprising that Jamie doesn’t like football, after years of being picked last for friendly games at high school. This was no conspiracy. He sucked at football. But it was the laughter he received whilst playing those early games that convinced him his future lay in comedy.

Follow Jamie on Twitter:  @nottheclimber

“thoughtless attacks on anything and everything…” Andrew Dipper, Gigglebeats

“I concur” Graham Mackie, when someone on the Scottish Comedy Forum said Jamie was alright.

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