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By John Gavin @johngavincomedyIf you have been living on the moon this week and missed out on the news, Rangers entered administration. It was a fate that seemed so likely that for a while even Ray Winstone’s big head wouldn’t take any more bets on it. At the moment the fate of the Club, Stadium, Players, Staff, Owner and Scottish Football as a whole are somewhat harder to predict.
The beard of many colours.As a Rangers fan it’s a truly depressing situation to watch unfold. I wrote an article regarding Craig Whyte for this site which was published on the 7th of December (http://goo.gl/XHTxM) and at this point there were questions which seemed to need clarification. Finding an answer to these questions a few months on is like trying to fathom why Craig Levin insists on keeping that beard. It just gets worse every time you look at it.
Craig Whyte writes his own captions.The BBC still have had no contact from Whyte’s solicitors, but please note this is not to suggest he has done anything wrong. The point being made here is that if you run outside for a fight, act like a hardman and shout “I’m gonny do you” then just stand there doing nothing, you’re not really backing up the initial hardman image you’ve portrayed. When Whyte took over Rangers he never really gave away much to give an indication of what he was all about. What’s unfortunate for Whyte with the BBC documentary is that the image they painted was someone whose business conduct was up for question. Since so little was known of Whyte, the documentary has played a role in creating a feeling of concern among fans and in the media over what was happening at the club.
The name's Celik, eh, I mean it's Mervan.The other point raised in the previous article was around dealings in the August transfer market. In response to that article on a Rangers internet fans forum the suggestion that we might have missed out on a decent player in David Goodwillie was met with some derision. How we longed for the days when we were linked with players of that calibre during the January transfer window. No disrespect is intended against Francisco Sandaza, but it’s doubtful that you would feature on many Rangers fans ‘realistic’ transfer targets. To top all this in our hour of need we sign a player named ‘Celik’. A succession of trialists came and went leading to Ally McCoist being forced to sit through more trials than Judge Judy.
Holding in his emotion for so long made Ally develop a mild facial tic.Those questions now seem fairly paltry in comparison with the information that has come out in the past few days. Initially it appeared as if administration had been applied for in order to protect the club from the impending judgement on the HMRC case. It’s been suggested if Rangers lose they may be forced to pay, depending on which paper you read, anywhere between £10m and £75m. Whyte’s initial statement laid blame at the feet of the previous owner David Murray. What transpired was that the move towards administration related to a new £9m tax bill for non-payment of PAYE tax during Whyte’s rein. Money which had been taken from player’s wages… but hadn’t found it’s way into the revenue’s coffers.
Amongst all this, at the point in time of writing this article, the information given by the Administrators was that they are yet to have “visibility” of the £24m loan given to the club by Ticketus against future season ticket sales as part of a deal made by Whyte. The information given is that the money went into the account of another of Whyte’s companies.
Prior to the press conference with the newly appointed administrators Whyte was quoted as saying he “sincerely hoped” that Rangers would be out of administration by the end of March. The administrators view was that this was “highly optimistic”. Unconfirmed reports suggest that the administrators needed a clean pair of trousers and a mop to clean up urine they had left on the floor.
Now those are good odds Ray.It’s a story that will continue to run for a long time yet and it’s hard not to feel sorry for those who may be affected in terms of their jobs. Not just the younger players, but also the general staff around the club who may lose their job due to the (alleged) mismanagement of those at the top level.
The one person who seems to typify the hurt of most fans is Ally McCoist, which brings us to the one area where the club can still claim some pride, on the field. An automatic 10 point deduction was put in place as a result of the administration, but this doesn’t necessarily mean the end of the title race, a large gap was opened and then closed earlier in the season. The spirit of Helicopter Sunday lives on in me. It could happen. Now might be a good time to speak to Ray Winstone’s big head.
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About the Author
John started his comedy career back in 2008 after his wife signed him up for a comedy competition in the Sunday Mail, without his knowledge. He ended up winning it and going on to the final of So You Think You’re Funny. A year later he won Scottish Comedian of the year. He talks about his home life with his wife and 3 daughters mostly as there is very little else exciting that happens in his life.
He has followed Rangers all his life. As a 5 year old boy he spent his birthday money on his first Rangers strip complete with number 9 on the back. It was also around that time that he was taken to a barbers for a haircut and asked to get his hair done like Frank McAvennie. As he had short, brown, poker straight hair the barber struggled to recreate the long blonde permed look that McAvennie sported at the time. This is a tale that his mother likes to share from time to time.
He also distantly related to Rangers hall of fame member Willie Waddell. It is very distant, but its close enough that he likes to use this to make him look like a big man.
His football career took a nose dive in secondary school when he found out he was actually a better rugby player than footballer. Brief stints at 5 a sides in 20′s followed. Since a tragic accident in which he slipped and fell on some ice due to his insistance on wearing converse all stars, he broke his left leg. Since then he has been too much of a big Jessie to grace a pitch again.
“All the makings of a class act” – Chortle
“Brilliant” – Sunday Mail
“Hard hitting and side splitting” – Daily Record
“There’s a rosy future ahead for John Gavin” – Scotsman
