Iain Todd nominates three twitter users for you to follow
The newest of the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast is out now. Subscribe/download/listen HERE
By Iain Todd (@iainmacivertodd)
I love Twitter! #scotcomfc
A lot of people hate twitter and the reason they give is usually:
“Why would I wants to know about someone else’s life. Its all updates on what people had for breakfast, what they had for dinner and whatever boring things they did in between”
These people are idiots. Its the equivalent of saying I hate talking because some people use talk to say boring things like what they had for breakfast etc
I love twitter because it puts me in contact with people I never knew even existed and those people read what I write and think “screw him he is an idiot!”. It normally take people years to make that judgement but they conclude it after just a 140 character message.
I wrote this statement on twitter shortly after the world cup selection process.
“Scottish football fans like beer, women and sausages. I bet Scotland qualify for qater. no beer. no women and no pork! #unfair”
within a couple of minutes a women in Qatar replied
“SCREW YOU! IDIOT! Its Qatar not Qater and we do have women. “
Although she didn’t disagree about the beer and the sausages. Whether my statement was funny is debateable but how fascinating it is to see someone spend their time looking NOT for news on quatar but for news on people who spell quatar wrong!
So this week I am going to nominate three stars of twitter for you all to follow. (I’ve avoided personal favouritism and therefore not mentioned any real people I know.) I hope these aren’t real otherwise we have some very strange football managers
He describes himself as “Aberdeen FC manager.I like Export,Star bars,Steak and Ale Fray Bentos,jumanji and taking ma tap aff”Aberdeen's thoughtful gift reminding Craig of where he is.
I would describe him as the bastard offspring of Bernard Manning and the Dalai Lama. You will feel “braw” and disgusted at the same time.
Sample Tweets
No even 8am and Archies arrived at ma door wae big Vernon and 4 case o export!Archie says he’s in a’Fighting Mood’!He is topless!!!
Braw mornin for a wee walk doon the beach wae ma tap aff.Am wearin ma favourite Mexico86 shorts tae show aff ma big bastardin muscley thighs
Dae Ye see ma auld face in the Tulisa porno or is it just ma big veiny member?
He describes himself as “Grumpy, grudge-holding Scotland manager. Not really. Obviously.”
I describe as a mixture of Craig Levein and Craig Levein. He is so accurate even Craig Levein’s mum couldn’t tell the difference.
Sample Tweets
A game away to Luxembourg will be the perfect chance to see what Kenny Miller, Barry Robson and Gary Caldwell can do #untriedyoungsters Levein's talks to bring back Barry Ferguson involved an 'acceptable finger placement in front of the face' workshop.
I want to use this friendly to see if Kenny Miller can play upfront on his own #oneforthefuture
Sir Alex demonstrating, just as I did, that even the best managers sometimes make a mess of easy groups
He describes himself as “Breathing fire over the wheat fields of the beautiful game.”
I’d describe him as a mighty virile stallion of a manager. He isn’t known as wee Sam he is known as BIG Sam.
Big Sam takes his lattes like he takes his women. Frothy, hot and with my meaty hand clasped tightly around it.
Allardyce, the player. Let's not pretend that you wouldn't.And then I see Meatloaf on TV and realise that’s what Big Sam would look like if he let himself go. And it chills me to the chiseled bone.
At times I feel like quitting the stomach crunches & power shakes, grabbing myself a cheeseburger & just accepting the body of a normal man.
You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
———————————————————————————————————-
About the Author Iain “Toddinho” Todd mistakenly believes he could have been a professional footballer if only the ‘The Claude Makelele role’ had been invented in the 1980’s. Unfortunately his ability to be neither a defender or a midfielder meant he could often be found on the bench. His greatest achievement was a match winning hat trick which the local paper reported as been scored by his twin brother and his brother wasn’t even playing that day. He recently celebrated 25 years of playing 5 aside footy and has nothing to show for it other than a dodgy hip.
Iain Todd graduated from Charlie Ross’s comedy class and has subsequently shown why Charlie should fail some students. He does open spots as one half of “The Brothers Todd” – the third best comedy twin act in the world! Only three comedy twin acts are in the world so they are also the world’s worst. They make Jedward look talented.
