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Congratulations to Spain for winning the European Championship. If you’re interested in how they did it then I recommend this superb article – http://www.miostadium.com/opinions/simon-kuper/barcelonas-secret-soccer-success
The Spanish player Sergio Busquets has won Euro 2012, the 2010 World Cup, three La Liga’s, two Champions League Finals, two Copa Del Rey’s and two Club World Cups and he is only 23. That man has held more cups than Michele Mone testing her Ultimo Bras.
The winning team is invited to compete in the FIFA Confederations Cup. This tournament is held every four years in the year before the World Cup. It is held in the same stadiums that the World Cup is to be played in and it gives the host nation the opportunity to play competitive fixtures and test the infrastructure. The 2013 tournament features Brazil, Spain, Italy, Uruguay, Japan and Tahiti.
Let me repeat that – Brazil, Spain, Italy, Uruguay, Japan and TAHITI!
They won their place by winning the 2012 Oceania Football Confederation Nations Cup. This competition has only ever previously been won by either Australia or New Zealand. This year, due to the fact the Australians no longer play in Oceania, it was thought New Zealand would win easily but in a shock result they were beaten in the semi-finals.
In the finals Tahiti beat New Caledonia 1-0. I imagine they would have been dancing in the streets of Papeete (the capital) that night. To be fair – there is dancing in the streets of Papeete most nights as the island is famous for its grass-skirt hip-shaking dance the ‘Ote’a.
Tahiti has a population of 220,000 – roughly the size of Aberdeen. Unlike in Aberdeen, in Tahiti english is well spoken and understood. Seriously, does anyone know what “Foo’s yirsel; fit like; foo are ye deeing?” actually means?
The letter “B” does not exist in the Tahitian language which is loody annoying.
The word tattoo originates in Tahiti. In Polynesian culture, tattoos have long been considered signs of beauty, and in earlier times were ceremoniously applied when reaching adolescence. In the UK tattoos are applied when the percentage of alcohol in your system is higher than your IQ which explains such disasters as the Man City fan who got a tattoo of Wayne Rooney and the Hearts fan who has a massive picture of Romanov on his back. http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/wayne-rooney-man-city-fan-tattooo.jpg
The mail boxes outside the homes of Tahitian residents are not for mail but for French bread delivery. Residents get a fresh loaf dropped off twice a day. Just imagine if Greggs the bakers did deliveries….mmm….donuts. Sorry, I was just imagining it.
Tahiti is Tahitian for Tahiti. Tahiti is English for “not Hawaii”
Tahiti is 11 hours behind the UK but in terms of social welfare and harmony they are years ahead.
If the Tahitian tourist authority are reading this then I’ve always fancied a visit and would be happy to accept a free holiday to your majestic island!
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About the Author
Iain “Toddinho” Todd mistakenly believes he could have been a professional footballer if only the ‘The Claude Makelele role’ had been invented in the 1980’s. Unfortunately his ability to be neither a defender or a midfielder meant he could often be found on the bench. His greatest achievement was a match winning hat trick which the local paper reported as been scored by his twin brother and his brother wasn’t even playing that day. He recently celebrated 25 years of playing 5 aside footy and has nothing to show for it other than a dodgy hip.
Iain Todd graduated from Charlie Ross’s comedy class and has subsequently shown why Charlie should fail some students. He does open spots as one half of “The Brothers Todd” – the third best comedy twin act in the world! Only three comedy twin acts are in the world so they are also the world’s worst. They make Jedward look talented.
He stalks celebrities at @iainmacivertodd
