Andy Todd's Jukebox Durie presents Waddle and...Boli?

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Jukebox Durie’s thoughts on league reconstruction can be summed up in the following conversation. Yesterday, on the bus, I overheard two girls talking about tanning and sun beds. I knew they were talking about tanning and sun beds because they kept using the words ‘tanning’ and ‘sun beds’. Nothing passes me by.

The first girl said: “I love Sunset Beach, it’s dead cheap, and you can lie there for hours and hours”.

The second girl was not convinced. She said “I’m not sure – don’t sun beds give you cancer?”

“Don’t be daft,” said the first girl “Not for five pounds!”

Ignorance, stupidity and cash, that’s league reconstruction. A reconstruction that leaves us with more splits than a synchronised swimming team doing the splits while eating a split in the Croatian city of Split. And, were it not for the fact that Jukebox Durie is on its Euro break, this week’s song would have more F words than the video cabinet of Gordon Ramsay’s biggest fan (himself, obviously).

But Jukebox Durie is off exploring the wacky world of international football songs and this week we’ve got a bizarre duet.

Many of you may think that no footballing duet can beat the twin mullets of Chris Waddle and Chris Hoddle singing ‘Diamond Lights’ – but did you know that Waddle was not musically monogamous? While Chris W may have thought that what goes on tour, stays on tour, we’ve unearthed this rare footage of his attempt to top the French music charts in 1991 with a partner not called Chris: none other than ex-Rangers defender Basil Boli.

Waddle. Boli. Disembodied dancing girls and, what sounds like, the high-pitched cries of a Bee Gee being kicked in the goolies. This is ‘What A Feeling’. What feeling? Almost certainly nausea.

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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).

Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.