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For many years there has been a blight at the heart of our national game. We all know what it is. The Old Firm are against it. The SFA say they will tackle it. Ordinary supporters condemn it; and, on Saturday, we saw it rear its ugly head at Ibrox once again. I’m not talking about sectarian singing, I’m talking about bad referees.
Whether it’s Neil Lennon’s nemesis Dougie McDonald; or the Rangers “goal” from the Christmas Old Firm match – bad refereeing has lost matches and lost championships. It’s time we showed bad refs the red card. And here’s how we can do it.
Step 1
As we probably all know, the Scottish Parliament has introduced a new law to tackle sectarianism in Scotland. It’s designed to stop the chanting we heard from some Rangers fans on Saturday; but what you may not know is that the Bill also tackles bad referees. How does it work?
Offensive behaviour covers anything “communicated as well as things done” i.e. offensive behaviour is not just what you say, offensive behaviour can also be an offensive action. But it’s not just sectarian mime artists at risk. “Is he trapped in a box? Is he looking round an invisible wall? Walking into the wind? No, it’s King Billy up to his knees in…” And moving on…
When referee Iain Brines showed a red card to Sasa Papac on Saturday, for example, his action could be classed as offensive behaviour at a football ground if it was either sectarian (which it wasn’t, as the card was red, not orange) or, critically, if it inspired sectarian behaviour in others (which it did – see step 2).
Step 2
Offensive behaviour includes any action which inspires sectarian behaviour in other people. This means that if a referee shows a red card which causes the fans to start chanting about “fenian b*stards”, you shouldn’t blame the fans, you should blame the referee. He has deliberately commited an act (shown a red card) to inspire sectarian chanting aimed at Catholics. You don’t blame the bullet (the fans) when you catch a man with the gun (Iain Brines).
Luckily for Iain though, the The Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Act 2012 doesn’t come into force until 1 March 2012 so he can breathe a sigh of relief.
*Phew!*
Summary
The Offensive Behaviour at Football and Threatening Communications (Scotland) Bill is a badly drafted and ill thought out piece of legislation that should have never have been enacted. It has a noble aim – to eradicate sectarianism in Scotland, but eradicating sectarianism by targeting football is like trying to stop Al Qaeda by first banning kebabs.
But, now that we have the Act, let’s look on the bright side – if it ultimately helps us improve the standards of Scottish refereeing then I say “well done Alex Salmond, well done indeed!”
This week’s Jukebox Durie in honour of the new law is a death metal cover of John Cage’s 4’33. Probably the only song that will not fall foul of the new law.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hUzI3Ui1Eok&w=560&h=315]
You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).
Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.
Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy
Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com
