Don’t forget the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast. Subscribe/download/listen HERE
Maurice Wilson: Mountain Hero
20 years before Edmund Hillary and Sherpa Tensing climbed Mt Everest, the world’s highest mountain, a cross-dressing shoe salesman from Bradford reached the top before them. This is the little known story of Maurice Wilson – and how Maurice swapped high heels for hiking boots and back again.
Maurice Wilson had a dream. In the 1930s, in a world bruised and battered by the Great Depression, he believed a single man, with faith in the Lord, and empowered through a rigorously enforced fasting regime, could achieve anything. Despite working in a women’s shoe shop; despite never visiting the Himalayas, Tibet, Nepal or even Asia; despite never having set foot on a single mountain anywhere in Europe, Maurice set out to climb to the top of the world by conquering the unconquerable. He would climb Mount Everest.
But first, as practice, he went to Wales.
This was not as daft as it first sounds. Mt Snowdon’s in Wales, which may be cold and inhospitable (Wales, that is, Mt Snowdon is quite lovely) but it is nothing to match conditions on Everest. To put his training at Mt Snowdon into perspective, it’s like training in a paddling pool when you aim to swim the Atlantic. Or jumping up and down in a dark while holding your breath to acclimatise for walking on the moon. It was simply not enough – and Maurice knew this, so he also went hiking in the Lake District.
Nothing prepares you for sub-zero conditions like two scoops of an ice cream and a serious case of brain freeze on the banks of Lake Windermere.
Basically, to prepare for a climb that many thought impossible, Maurice did two of the three peaks in the Three Peaks Challenge. Unlike most Three Peak Challengers he didn’t do them in 24 hours. Nor did he go to Ben Nevis, presumably because it was too big and quite far away.
A cunning idea
Maurice had a plan. He was smart. He never actually intended to climb Everest. His plan was to fly a plane and crash into the top of Mt Everest. That way he could pop out of the wreck, jog to the summit and claim the mountain for Blighty!
Genius. He would climb Mt Everest by… not climbing Mt Everest. He must have been amazed that no-one had thought of this before.
The problem Maurice had – and it was only a small problem – was that not only did he not know how to climb the mountain, he also didn’t know how to fly.
Undeterred, he took flying lessons. These were not successful. His instructors refused to pass Maurice as they thought his flying so bad he would kill himself trying to take off. They even contacted the British Government to alert airports across Europe and the Middle East to refuse to refuel Maurice, so concerned were they by his lack of ability to fly and the danger he posed to anyone he might meet.
But that didn’t stop Maurice. Maurice had a dream, and dreams are there to be followed.
In 1933 he took off for Everest. The take off was a success, if by success you mean he escaped with his life after he immediately crashed.
But that didn’t stop Maurice…
Link to video (the official Juventus song): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=040DDUONR0s
To be continued next week
You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
———————————————————————————————————-
About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).
Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.
Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy
Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com
