The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn this season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football who may next season bless you with a run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to the football gods as a curse.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are going to bring you the top 5 (not necessarily nicest) kits launched and leaked every week until the start of next season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. Everton
Everton’s efforts range from pretty solid to downright weird and this one walks the tightrope between the two. Despite looking like a set of scrubs, the top doesn’t look half bad and looking at Phil Jagielka in the middle there you’d think they were pretty sorted. Take a look at Ross Barkley and Muhamed Besic.
Their shirts are tucked in and WHAT’S THAT ON THE SHORTS?! A big blue band that makes it look as though they’ve tied themselves a wee belt with string. Rotten.
4. Kilmarnock
Usually it’s pretty hard to mess up blue and white stripes. Usually. Killie’s new home shirt is unlikely to be pride of place in many peoples’ wardrobes next season. Three stripes of varying sizes, a sponsor logo that’s fairly hard to read and white side panels which are going to make even the sveltest fan at Rugby Park look like they’ve been through a few too many Killie pies.
No thanks.
3. Dundee United
Orange, innit? Not a terrible kit but well worth inclusion for the Usual Suspects-style line up. That being said, it does look like the designer needed to leave early that day.
2. Newcastle United
It’s become a well documented fact that Newcastle United hate their fans and this latest effort from Puma seems to top that off nicely. Newcastle have been known to have a bit of blue on their traditionally black and white striped home shirts now and again but it’s hard to imagine many Magpies being overly delighted with this fairly cynical nod to their sponsors Wonga and a massive white panel on the back.
Might look decent in the Championship though.
1. Tottenham Hotspur
Spurs are used to chants of “You don’t know what you’re doing!” raining down on them from the stands but next season the chants will all be in the direction of kit manufacturer Under Armour. They have designed a kit which makes poor Kyle Walker here look like he’s been run over by a Harley Davidson.
Apt, perhaps, given that they often get run over on their way to Champions League qualification.
Sorry.
