With only one week left until the transfer window grinds itself closed with the crippling inevitability of a sex toy to the ear, we begin with an announcement. We’ll be live-tweeting the closure of the Transfer Window… just like every other football website.
Yay.
Let’s get down to business though. Celtic have been quick to quash rumours that Virgil van Dijk has finally agreed a transfer away from the club. If you believe the Bhoys, he’ll be staying on to play wherever he fancies on the park and if you believe the papers then he’ll be moving to Southampton after closing out a thrilling 0-0 draw with Malmø.
Ryan Gauld could be set to be Celtic’s second choice Martin Ødegaard and join on loan from Sporting Clube de Portugal. I’ll just leave this here…
@ScotComFC On the bright side, Utd fans won't need to wonder what would've happened if they'd kept their 'golden generation' together.
— Pistol 1874 (@Pistol1874) August 22, 2015
Inverness Caledonian Thistle manager John Hughes has identified his club’s need for a striker. He needs someone who is proven in the league, can score goals and hit the ground running. Jon Daly has an overnight bag by his front door, just in case.
And with that we move South of the border and look at the deluded world of the Premier League. After a stuttering start to their season, Arsenal are once again being linked with a £50 million move for Karim Benzema, Spurs are going to pay £20 million for Saido Berahino and yer Da’s talking about how he can’t believe Mario Balotelli is going to get a move to another top club as his loan move to AC Milan edges closer.
But of course, it is not in these stories where we find the true delusion of the Premier League. Today, Manchester United are definitely buying Neymar from Barcelona. Let’s run through that again. Manchester United. Neymar.
Some “influential” fans are all over this news, talking up the move as though he’s already signed, something which has worked well for them so far this summer…
Any #MUFC fan laughing at the possibility of the club signing Neymar don't realise how big the club is
Biggest clubs need the biggest names
— Diarmuid Gillingham (@Diarmuid_mufc) August 23, 2015
Frankly, Neymar isn’t going to Manchester United. Even one man hype machine Rio Ferdinand doesn’t think so…
@manutd are not getting @neymarjr so don't even waste time getting excited. If Pedro doesn't come then don't expect Neymar please
— Rio Ferdinand (@rioferdy5) August 23, 2015
Of course, Sun journalist Neil Custis has always had the inside track when it comes to Manchester United. After all it was he who broke the exclusive transfers of Luka Modric, David Silva and Karim Benzema to Old Trafford. Even if they did get him…
Thing is, with Ashley Young still there….Do United really *need* Neymar? :/
— Alex Shaw (@AlexShawESPN) August 21, 2015
Anyone left in any doubt should get Guillem Balague’s view, lest they throw themselves off a bridge when he doesn’t sign…
Neymar: contract renewal prepared. FCB wants 2 announce it soon.Doesn't stop other teams being interested but is naive 2 think he wants 2 go
— Guillem Balague (@GuillemBalague) August 22, 2015
Something to consider… the bookmakers have slashed the odds on QPR’s Charlie Austin moving to Man United before the end of the window from 25/1 to 12/1. There’s your level.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
