The transfer merry-go-round is almost up to speed and is hurtling round like a Catherine Wheel, throwing tid-bits of utter crap into our expectant, grubby little paws. We are not worthy of the Catherine Wheel of rumours. Bow down before it, because it is your new overlord.
Let’s start our whistlestop tour of the grubby underbelly of the transfer market, a shift in analogy which leaves us all unworthy of even gently scraping plankton off it, with those pesky kids in the Old Firm.
Not content with making a few astute signings and generally ruining everyone’s fun, Rangers look set to bring Lee McCulloch back from the knacker’s yard in a coaching capacity after reported interest from Kilmarnock waned in the face of the world’s smallest backlash. They’re also taking their time over the John Eustace deal to give ‘both parties time to assess one another’.
Presumably they’re trying to make sure that Eustace isn’t an impostor. Or perhaps the other way round.
Across Glasgow, Celtic continue to be frustrated in their efforts to pick clean the bones of Dundee United. Nadir Ciftci is desperate to sign up with the Parkhead club and the Bhoys are beside themselves at the prospect of signing a proven SPFL striker after shoving Stefan Scepovic onto the scrapheap.
Mention of Celtic brings us to mention the move of Adam Matthews to Dick Advocaat’s Sunderland. Virgil van Dijk has bought himself a second mobile phone, just to make sure that he doesn’t miss any calls from The General. Surely it’s only a matter of time?
Speaking of matters of time, Raheem Sterling is moving agonisingly close to the Anfield ejector seat with Manchester City having emerged as favourites for his signature which contains loads of loops and flicks but tails off toward the end.
We’ve managed to get our hands on this exclusive image of Sterling’s agent Aidy Ward…
Liverpool are delving into their own bags of cash to buy Christian Benteke out of his contract at Aston Villa. A cool £32.5m should be enough to see Villa part ways with the Belgian striker who always seems to come good around a transfer window.
Arsenal have been so impressed with Chilean international and former Barcelona player Alexis Sanchez that they quite fancy another Chilean international and a Barcelona player. Bids for Arturo Vidal and Pedro are already in progress if you’re the kind of person who believes what you read in transfer gossip columns.
But who would be that stupid?
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
