Celtic crashed out of Europe and it was time for Scottish football to once more dust off the usual excuses. Except that, um, well, it gets a bit more difficult to do that when you’ve been pumped by a Swedish team rather than a Spanish or Italian one.
Excuses permissible for losing to Swedish clubs:
w̶e̶a̶t̶h̶e̶r̶
p̶o̶p̶u̶l̶a̶t̶i̶o̶n̶ ̶s̶i̶z̶e̶
w̶a̶g̶e̶ ̶b̶i̶l̶l̶s̶
We were pish.
— Scottish Comedy FC (@ScotComFC) August 25, 2015
Leigh Griffiths also didn’t help the perception of him as a “brat” by engaging his knee in contact with a Malmö player’s groin. Then again, perhaps it was a friendly gesture that said, “Look mate, I don’t want you to ever have to pay the kind of child support bills I do.”
Hearts kept up their winning streak with an impressive 3-0 victory over Partick Thistle, though Robbie Neilson then had to intervene when it seemed that Juwon Oshaniwa had been receiving media training from John Collins. His assertion that Hearts could win the league must have given Neilson terrifying visions of Forfar managing a last-minute Panenka penalty in the cup. A 2-1 win in extra-time versus 9 men was close enough.
Rangers released the club’s Players’ Player of the Year from last season, Darren McGregor. Initially I thought he’d been released despite that accolade. Given more time to think though, it occurred to me that it’s just a reflection on what the club still thinks of the decision making skills of last season’s squad.
McGregor going to Hibs adds an interesting twist to things though. When Hibs player of the year wanted to go to Rangers, Alan Stubbs stamped his feet. When Rangers’ player of the year wanted to go to Hibs, Mark Warburton packed him off with a firm handshake. Is it some kind of psych-out? And how confusing a situation was it for the Rangers support? Trying to work out whether they’d have preferred it if Ronny Deila had made a last-minute swoop for McGregor too – just because it would have got it pissed off Alan Stubbs.
Aberdeen signed former Oxford United forward Josh Parker on loan from Red Star Belgrade. It’s hearing about career paths like that which gives hope to every football romanticist out there. It just goes to show that it’s possible to play for one of the great names of European football (I meant Red Star, but there will also people in Belgrade right now thinking, “They beat Real Madrid in that final, what a cool move…”) if you can just find the one that’s slipped far enough. Personally, I’m going to start hitting the treadmill a bit harder at the gym then send Steaua Bucharest a vine of me doing some keepie-ups.
The Scotland squad was announced, containing 6 Celtic players and 20 English-based players. Gordon Strachan’s job is to pick what he thinks is the strongest squad available to him but it might have been nice if he could pick it in a way that doesn’t make the squad sheet look like a word search for “deathoftheSPFL”.
The biggest story in England was, of course, Jermain Defoe’s hunt for a new PA. Jermain apparently believes from the job description that the best person to organise his shopping is also the best person to “develop his brand”. The next time I’m confronted by a teenager rattling a can at the end of the checkout and asking if they can pack my bags, I’m going to make them work for that donation. I want a logo, social media strategy and digital marketing plan or they’re not even getting a sniff of that 50p.
The other thing that caught my eye in England this week was a journalist describing last week as the worst week of John Terry’s career.
Do your research.
Among other TV and radio credits, his football-savvy has meant roles as writer/script-editor on Offside and Only An Excuse (both BBC1 Scotland).
He set up ScottishComedyFC.com in 2011, hosts and produces the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast and is often the fingers behind the tweets on @ScotComFC.
These days, his content-creative and social media skills have led to him working as a content marketing specialist with a top Edinburgh agency. He remains in demand as a comedy writer and this year has been commissioned to write on the BBC Radio Scotland shows ‘The Good, The Bad and The Unexpected’, ‘The Fame Game’ and ‘Breaking The News’.
