The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn last season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football, who may next season bless you with a modest run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to those omnipotent bastards.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are going to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched and leaked every week until the start of next season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. Zenit St. Petersburg
After releasing a weird Russian regency style image which showed most of the Zenit staff in antique military uniforms with manager Andre Villas-Boas as the Tsar in the centre, the Russian champions have returned to fancy surroundings to unveil their new kit.
The real question though, is whether Oleg Shatov (behave) is the subject of the painting in the background?
4. Santos
Brazilian kits are usually terrible, mostly because of the need to plaster every available bit of space with a sponsor and I can only assume that Santos’ brand new kit range will eventually fall victim to the Curse of the 900 Sponsors but while they have these simple, clean shirts, let’s take a moment to appreciate them.
Simple, effective, bloody good lookin’.
3. Norwich City
Here’s an omnishambles for you. While the half-and-half kit marks a return to a traditional design for Norwich City, Errea have decided to solve the old problem of how to make the sponsor visible by putting a big yellow square across the chest, thus ruining any hope this shirt had of being a looker. It’s a shame, there’s something weirdly appealing about the yellow and green mix.
Okay, maybe not that appealing.
2. Dundee
“I like it but is there a way we could put the badge in it again?” Went the question at Dundee’s marketing meeting. This Puma effort for Dundee’s away kit might be a grower, not a shower but first impressions are that this kit is boggin’. Ruining the classic sash made famous by Peru takes some doing but they’ve managed it and then some here.
1. Aston Villa
Villa’s new kit is actually pretty solid, given that there’s only so much you can do with claret and blue. The polo collar with the trim is a nice touch and the away kit, while being a bit furiously luminous, looks pretty tidy too. As much as it pains me to say it, well done Macron.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
