The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn this season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football who may next season bless you with a run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to the football gods as a curse.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are going to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched and leaked every week until the start of next season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. St. Johnstone
St. Johnstone often find ways to incorporate understated yet puke-inducing designs into their shirts but this understated ‘tartan’ effect has come out quite well. Despite suffering from the old Joma problem of looking fairly cheap, the shirt should look good on both the players and fans.
4. Southampton
A green away shirt with a sash could easily have been one of the worst of the season but Southampton’s away kit for next season actually came out quite well. The navy blue offsets the absurdly bright green fairly well and (unusually) it looks better in real photos than it does in the promo shots.
3. Real Madrid (Away)
There’s something late-90s Bear USA t-shirt about Real Madrid’s away kit for next season. It’s kind of weird and I kind of like it. As always, it’s better than that stupid dragon.
2. Read Madrid (Home)
How can you screw up an iconic, all white kit? Well, if this effort from Adidas is anything to go by then you probably can’t. It’s simple, effective, iconic, also looks a bit too much like a t-shirt, and some of the best players in the world will be wearing it. Can’t say fairer than that.
1. Arsenal
I’ve been going back an forth on whether I think this is one of the nicest shirts of the season or one of the worst. It’s hard for me to get that Puma-sized chip on my shoulder off and given most of their efforts so far this season there seems like no real reason to forgive them for upwards of a decade of horrible kits.
That being said, there’s something appealing about the collar on the new Arsenal shirt and the way the white rolls down into the arms. It still suffers from the Puma issue of being way too tight and manages to make even professional footballers look like lard-buckets (I shudder to think what it’ll look like on a “normal” fan) but it’s a pretty solid effort.
