James Kirk’s All Glory Hibernian

“All Glory Hibernian
Yours is the renown
In the long generations
Your name will go down
And children will tell
How their forefathers saw
Hibernian win the cup
For Erin Go Bragh”

I’ve been following Hibs since before I can remember; essentially I had no choice in the matter. My father is a Hibs fan, My Grandfather was a Hibs fan and my Great-Grandfather was… Well I don’t know what he was but let’s just assume for creative licence he was a Hibs fan. My first game that my Dad took me to was at Easter Road against Motherwell. I believe the final score was 1-1 with Mickey Weir scoring for Hibs; however my Dad is always quick to remind me that I spent the whole game chasing empty crisp packets across the old East Stand terrace. This marks the day where not only my obsession with Hibs started, but also unfortunately for me my obsession with crisps as well.

This has been the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to write. I have been trying to write this article for over a week now. At one point it was 8 pages long and described every Scottish Cup heartache Hibs had suffered over the past 110 years and my individual account of each Scottish Cup defeat I’ve experienced as a fan over the past 20 years, however it read more like a suicide note rather than a football article. The reason it has been so difficult is because it means so much to me and every single Hibs fan past and present. I realise this article is supposed to be funny, but like my stand-up it’s not… When something means as much as this, trying to make it funny is too hard!

The fact that Hibs haven’t won the Scottish Cup in 110 years is truly criminal when you look at the facts. First there was the Famous Five team. This was a team that never finished outside the top three from 1946-1953. In that time they won the league three times, finished runners up to Rangers twice, once on goal difference and once only one point behind them. This was the team that were the first British Club to play in a European Competition and were invited to Brazil in 1953 to play in the World Club Championship. Yet they never won the Scottish Cup.

The next team that should have finally broken the curse were the “Turnbull Tornadoes” side of the 70’s. Between 1972-1976 they never finished outside the top four and were runners up two years running. During the same time period they won the League Cup in 1972 and were runners up in 1974. This was the team that put seven past Hearts on New Year’s Day 1973! Yet in the Scottish Cup, yep, you’ve guessed it, they only made the final once getting pumped 6-1 off Celtic, a game that my Dad still won’t talk about to this day.

Our next close call came in 2000, having spent a season in 1st Division we were now back in the SPL with some of the greatest ever players to pull on the Green and White including Franck “Le God” Sauzee and Russell “10 fags a day” Latapy. This was a truly special Hibs side that was without doubt capable of breaking the hoodoo. And if it hadn’t been for the brilliant Martin O’Neil Celtic team of the early 00’s and the fact McLeish had to drop Latapy after a wild night out we might very well have done it that year.

Next up were the young guns of Tony Mowbray. A team that was more than capable once more but three years in a row lost out in the Semi-Finals, the most hurtful being “that one” against Hearts where the winners would face Gretna.

And now we have this year’s hopefuls…. A team that avoided relegation on the 2nd last day, and who have won two home games all season and is full of players on loan, some of whom have only been at the club for six months. Yet this is the team that could end it all. This is the team that could become for more famous than “The famous five” or “Turnbull’s Tornadoes”. Pa “Gambian Roberto Carlos” Kujabi could become one of Hibernian’s true greats overnight!

The one thing this team does have is true passion. Watching James McPake at the full time whistle down in Ayr you would have thought he had been playing with Hibs his whole life, yet he is only on loan and had only been at the club for a couple of months. McPake has shown more passion and commitment as a club captain than anyone since Sauzee. Look at Griffiths and O’Connor at the full time whistle in the Semi-Final. They all know all about the heartache as a good number of them are hibs fans. O’Connor said in his pre-match interview that day that Hibs are “his club”. And for me this is what could make all the difference on the day. They are Hibs fans that are playing for the Hibs fans.

We don’t want to win this to simply gloat over Hearts fans. Hibs fans need to win this. We need to win it for all the supporters that have passed away having never seen it. We need to win for all the Hibernian legends that have passed away, Eddie Turnbull, Joe Baker, Gordon Smith, Willie Ormond to name but a few. We need to win it for Hibernian Legends that are still living like Tom Farmer, Pat Stanton, Lawrie Reilly, Franck Sauzee and many more. We need to win it for fans that are still living and have been through countless heartaches.

Ask a Hearts fan why the need to win the final on Saturday and they will say to laugh at Hibs. Ask a Hibs fan why they need to win it and they will get teary eyed and write you a 10 page essay!

With everything else going on in Scottish Football, Saturday will be the perfect example of reminding people what it’s all about. Not sectarianism, transfer bans, CVA’s, Neil Lennon, newco’s and liquidations. It’s about fans filled with passion cheering on their team and the 11 players that try and make dreams come true.

P.S If Hearts win I will be in the Outer Hebrides for a considerable amount of time. Hopefully in that time I’ll learn to write a “funny” football article.

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About the Author
James has been performing stand-up since December 2009. Since the he has went on to win “So You Think You’re Funny 2010”, was nominated for “Best New Scottish Comedian” at the Scottish Variety Awards 2011 and 2012. He was also invited to perform at the Montreal Just For Laughs festival in 2011. He has also appeared in Pramface, Gary : Tank Commander and Scot Squad.

James is a Hibs fan and misses the old East Stand.

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