If Mark Davies had Brewster’s Billions…

A question was asked of our editor, Teddy, by an @ScotComFC follower on Twitter yesterday. If he found £1bn under his pillow, how would he rebuild Rangers? From the outset, let’s not make this discussion a slanging match between Old Firm fans, Rangers were the team in question but then all other teams minus Man City and possibly Chelsea could have been used as the example.

So if we are going to do this it has to be “realistic” (I know, as realistic as finding a billion pounds under your pillow) and by that I mean 99% of fans would say “firstly I’m going to sign Messi” but I’m sorry, Messi isn’t going to sign for Bury, Barnsley or Brechin.

So this now allows 2 things, it allows you as a football fan to dream, to allow yourself that thought of how you would spend the money and it also allows me to use the favourite statistic I’ve heard, that “the difference between a million and a billion is best described as, a million seconds takes approx 11.5 DAYS whereas a billion seconds is approx 31.7 YEARS”

So after you’ve counted it, checked all major organs are still there and that the money isn’t due to the sale of one of them, re-counted it, and then jumped up and down on the bed throwing £50 notes about (we all would) the question now presents itself, how do I spend it?

Unfortunately, as this is my game you do have to spend all of the money on your club so put down the Lamborghini brochure and start planning the rescue of your side. All clubs will be different and as such there is no set formula or correct answer to it. So why bother writing it? Well, because it’s still my game and I want to take my club and spend, spend, spend.

So here are my plans –

1) Buy all other 91 clubs for £100 million each then shut them all down. By the year 2033 the banner will read “league titles, Liverpool 18, Manchester 19 and Bury 20”

2) Make Gigg Lane a 20,000 all seater stadium and then give out 18,000 free season tickets on the basis that to keep your ticket, you or somebody you know must attend each match. The other 2,000 will be for away fans!

3) Put £1,000,000,000 into an account will an agreement that 20,000,000 will be released every year for the next 50 years. This should cover wages, expenses etc etc.

4) £50,000,000 will be available every year for the next 50 years for transfers, a Fernando Torres every year for the next 50 years…..

5) Realise that 1 billion is a lot of money that really takes some spending so pick up that Lamborghini brochure again.

This is why football is now in the state that it is in, players on more money a week than the average man earns in 10 years and worryingly there will be Rangers fans agreeing with this that don’t realise that in the late 80’s they were the Chelsea/Man City of football. The famous quote of Mr Murray regarding Celtic and how if they spend a fiver the Rangers board will spend a tenner is the real problem. At the time Rangers were doing 9 in a row, signing the England goalkeeper, England captain, Brian Laudrup, Gazza etc etc not one Rangers fan would say “hang on a wee minute here” the same as Chelsea and City fans really don’t care who or what is financing them. As long as trophies keep arriving it’s fine, no fan in their right mind would turn it down. Seeing the worlds best playing for your team and winning, must be great. Soulless, but great.

So keep hoping that Sheik Mohammed the eighth once visited your club as a 7yr old and now wishes to buy it for 1 billion and, if he does, enjoy the ride. It may be bumpy, you may have few friends at the end of it but you will have the medals/trophies you always dreamed of. Until, that is, a Trillionaire comes along and then it’s someone else’s turn!

Right I’m off to meet Messi’s agent just on the off chance……

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About the Author

For as long as he can remember, Mark has loved football. Originally from just outside Manchester, he supports Bury FC so can’t be labelled as a glory hunter (although they do hold the record for the biggest FA Cup final winning margin, 6-0 in 1903 and it still stands today!).
Mark drives a cab, so automatically he “has an opinion and usually it’s the right one!” All opinions are the author’s own, and they can be heard on twitter @bigmarkdavies. You can contact Mark via email at bigmarkdavies@talktalk.net

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