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A couple of years ago I received an invite to a film premiere. I thought it would be glitz, glamour and gorgeous women. I was wrong. It was a Danny Dyer film. The film was so so bad even Danny Dyer turned down his invite to the premiere.
Danny is the master of the direct to DVD lad’s movie. The sort of film featuring gangsters, cockney rhyming slang and loads of burds on the cover. They have titles like “Its Raining Men….Dead men” or “London Bridge is Falling Down…Because of all the Dead Men on it”.
Its fair to say he won’t be winning an Oscar any time soon but despite this I’ve always had a soft spot for his movies. mainly due to his performance in Mean Machine where he scores the best goal ever seen in a movie.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2O236MparLU&w=420&h=315]
Now questions do have to be asked of the defence during this goal but as the film is set in a prison then most of the prisoners will have had a weak defence otherwise they would have been found innocent.
I don’t know what Danny is like if real life but I hope is a luvvie and spend his days supping sherry and discussing Noel Coward. Around this time his cheeky chappy persona made him a perfect fit for the TV channel Men and Motors wich featured shows called “Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men” and “Football Hooligans International ” it was a classy lineup.
They hired Danny to front the shows becasue of his perceived gangster image. See for yourself how he got on when he visits the five finger shuffle crew who have been a bit naughty up in Sunderland.
[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBnW-hCS1RM&w=420&h=315]
I’ll leave the last words in this article to Danny himself as there is one subject he would like cleared up. He reveals all in his autobiography. (Yes -I was surprised he could write too)
Most people assume that my name is Daniel. It isn’t. It’s, in fact, Danial. My dad was so pissed when he filled out the birth certificate that he spelled the name wrong. That’s why I changed my name to Danny smartish when I hit secondary school. Danial’s a bit too near to Danielle.
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About the Author
Iain “Toddinho” Todd mistakenly believes he could have been a professional footballer if only the ‘The Claude Makelele role’ had been invented in the 1980’s. Unfortunately his ability to be neither a defender or a midfielder meant he could often be found on the bench. His greatest achievement was a match winning hat trick which the local paper reported as been scored by his twin brother and his brother wasn’t even playing that day. He recently celebrated 25 years of playing 5 aside footy and has nothing to show for it other than a dodgy hip.
Iain Todd graduated from Charlie Ross’s comedy class and has subsequently shown why Charlie should fail some students. He does open spots as one half of “The Brothers Todd” – the third best comedy twin
act in the world! Only three comedy twin acts are in the world so they are also the world’s worst. They make Jedward look talented.
He stalks celebrities at @iainmacivertodd
