Iain Maciver Todd has an idea for women’s football…

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Only 5% of televised sport features women so I demand broadcasters stop being sexist and start covering women’s sport properly. They can start by showing the lingerie football league (LFL).  A women’s 7-on-7 American football league where the participants wear shoulder pads, elbow pads, knee pads, garters, bras and panties. This is not the only sport which forces women to wear next-to-nothing, the Olympics features women’s beach volleyball.  I’m not sure which of these sports I prefer so I’ll just toss for it and see which side I come down on.

This week saw the final of The Apprentice where Alan sugar searches the UK to find 15 people to belittle. Whilst watching I learnt some important lessons:

The point of this is – Women, find your gap and sell it…That didn’t sound right. Let me clarify.

Women’s football is not on the TV because the are offering a product that we already have too much of. There are games on every night of the week from leagues all over the world. Spain for those who admire technique over brawn, EPL for those who admire brawn over technique… and the SPL for a laugh. The women’s game can’t compete because  women’s sport only gets 4% of the total sponsorship and revenue money generated by all sports. They need to think cleverer and, like the LFL, they need to think about marketing

I have the perfect solution. 5-a-side football! Why don’t women corner the market in televised 5-a-side football? Like the LFL (except tasteful) they would be offering a product that theoretically could be better than the real thing. Its often said that the best thing about women’s football is that it has better technique and better tactics than the men’s game. So use those skills outside of the pitch and create a product that is not currently available.

How do I know this would be successful? Sky shows indoor 5-a-side Masters football featuring ex-professionals. Given the choice between watching a game of skill, speed and excitement or a bunch of fat ex-pros try to revive their youth then I know which I’d choose.

SIDENOTE: I discovered the LFL after trying to google for the Lower flammability limit (LFL) of a chemical. When you put LFL into google it’s not a chemistry lesson that I received but a biology one. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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About the Author
Iain “Toddinho” Todd mistakenly believes he could have been a professional footballer if only the ‘The Claude Makelele role’ had been invented in the 1980’s. Unfortunately his ability to be neither a defender or a midfielder meant he could often be found on the bench. His greatest achievement was a match winning hat trick which the local paper reported as been scored by his twin brother and his brother wasn’t even playing that day. He recently celebrated 25 years of playing 5 aside footy and has nothing to show for it other than a dodgy hip.

Iain Todd graduated from Charlie Ross’s comedy class and has subsequently shown why Charlie should fail some students. He does open spots as one half of “The Brothers Todd” – the third best comedy twin act in the world! Only three comedy twin acts are in the world so they are also the world’s worst. They make Jedward look talented.

He stalks celebrities at @iainmacivertodd

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