Can you ever turn the clock back? John Gavin & Ray Bradshaw give their views…

Today on Scottish Comedy FC, two of our writers, John Gavin & Ray Bradshaw, give their take on the returning to a club where you’ve already enjoyed success:

In 2011 Ian Brown, Mani, Reni and John Squire all got together for a press conference to announce that the Stone Roses would reform. This was taken by some as a momentous occasion that they had dreamed of for years. Given that Squire and Brown had both went on record as saying this would never happen until hell froze over (Squire went as far as to create a piece of art in 2009 which said “I have no desire whatsoever to desecrate the grave of seminal Manchester pop group The Stone Roses 18.3.09”), others took this reunion as an indicator that the Mayan’s prediction that the world would end might actually be true. However the reunion turns out though, it does seem as if football clubs have taken a lead from the Roses.

On Sunday we had Paul Scholes coming out of retirement, and last week Thierry Henry rejoined Arsenal and Steve McClaren returned to the hotseat at FC Twente. In Scottish football rumours abound that Nacho Novo has been sounded out over a return to Ibros, along with similar speculation regarding the recently unemployed Kris Boyd. Something that the footballing world should take into account is that musical reunions very rarely provide any decent new material and generally happen for financial reasons. Just ask any Happy Mondays fans who have been to their reunion gigs.

This is not to suggest that Scholes and Henry will not offer their respective teams a good option on the field or that McClaren will fail off it, but when it comes to predicting the success of footballing reunions you’d find it easier to predict when Hearts players will get paid on time.

A player (or manager) returning to a club where they had success previously is burdened with the weight of expectation from the fans. There are some players who managed to live up to the fans expectations. Liverpool’s Ian Rush is one of these.

Rush was a goal machine in his first spell at Anfield, scoring 139 in 224 appearances and firmly establishing himself as a fan favourite. He left for Juventus, but returned to Anfield after just one season in Italy. He struggled to adapt to Italian football and was quoted as saying “It was like living in a foreign country”. Whilst his record in his second spell of 90 goals in 245 appearances was not quite as good as first time round, a ratio of a goal every 2.72 games is not exactly shabby. There’s a good chance Andy Carroll would give up fighting in nightclubs for a record like that.

Rush only really had a year off from Liverpool so it’s easy to see why he was able to still contribute. A player who returned to Scottish football and whose contribution could be questioned is Mark Hateley.

In his first spell at Rangers he scored 111 goals in 214 games. Initally he was targeted by some fans as a money grabber after turning down the Ibrox club 3 years previously for Monaco. Some fans felt that Govan might have been more glamorous than Monaco presumably. He turned them round though by creating a firm partnership with current club manager Ally McCoist. In his first spell at the club he also gained a reputation for wearing suit jackets that looked like they may need a volume control switch. He left for QPR but returned 2 years later for a short stint at Ibrox to ease the club through an injury crisis. He played just 4 games and managed a goal, but his most memorable contribution second time round was a red card on his return debut for headbutting then Celtic keeper Stewart Kerr. Despite the red card, Rangers went on to win that match 1-0 and all but seal 9-in-a-row.

So what we’ve learned is that bringing back a former great is a gamble. Even if it works they will never be as good as you remember first time round. A bit like watching your favourite band reunited on stage, they will just be a version that’s a little bit heavier, greyer and slower.

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In the couple of days I have been lucky enough to see the return of two of my footballing heroes to the English game. Growing up I idolised both Paul Scholes and Thierry Henry for two completely different reasons; one for his incredible volleys from outside the box and his enigma-like ability to not be able to tackle, the other for the moments when he would run down the left wing before cutting inside and curling the ball into the bottom right hand corner. I think the English game will be brighter for having both these players in it, even if it is only for a couple of months or to the end of the season.

I found out about Scholes’s return thanks to the amazing BBC Sport live text updates while wandering around Leeds trying to find a pub to watch the game in. Although there had been rumours about the ginger prince returning, I was unsure whether he actually would come back or if he would decide to spend more time with his family – the reason he cited for not joining the ill-fated England World Cup Squad in 2010. While I am over the moon at Scholes’ return, it may have seemed a smack in the face to the young midfielders in the squad who have been tipped to make the breakthrough; Paul Pogba and Ravel Morrison. Pogba has not yet signed a new contract to stay with United – which may have played a part in this decision – but I can’t help but feel that Scholes is just temporary cover until the return of Tom Cleverley, a player who has been a stand out when fit this season.

It was clear when Scholes came on however that he still has the ability that made him one of the players of his generation; you don’t have Xavi and Zinedine Zidane naming you as one of the top players of the last 20 years for nothing. Although he gave the ball away for the second City goal, which I think Lindegaard could have done better with, Scholes still managed to maintain a pass completion rate of 97% in the thirty minutes he was on the pitch. He completed 71 passes, more than any City player in the entire game. No wonder his team mates call him “Sat-Nav”. You could see at the end of the game that Scholes was blowing out his arse, but with his only eleven aside game in the last six months being for the Dads team of his sons boys club (he scored eight in the game) that was understandable.

Then on Monday night we witnessed the return of Thierry Henry, who within ten minutes of his return scored the winner against Leeds and pumped up the Arsenal fans with chest-pounding and badge-kissing. Henry showed that although he may not have the pace that he did when he left the Emirates five years ago, he still has the incredible ability to consistently find the bottom right corner from the left-hand side of the box. Like Scholes, Henry seemed to be lacking match practise and, after his goal, was content to sit deeper allowing Arshavin and Walcott to do his running for him. As risky as leaving Arshavin to do any running for you is.

While Scholes’ return came out of the blue, Arsenal fans had had the knowledge that they would soon see their idol don the red and white shirt again for a while, so much so that it was in danger of becoming an anti-climax; Henry duly delivered though and whipped the sell-out crowd into a frenzy as they watched the statue come to life.

Henry will also add some desperately needed firepower to a strike force that, with Robin Van Persie excluded, have scored six goals between them in all competitions. In the twenty five minutes that he played, Henry has already equalled Park Chu-Young’s and Marouane Chamakh’s totals for the season, a quite ridiculous statistic. The idea of Henry playing just behind Robin Van Persie makes Arsenal’s hopes of finishing in the top four a hell of a lot stronger.

What is quite clear is that the Premier League will be a more enjoyable place for the next couple of months while we have the pleasure of watching two of its greatest players return to the places they call home. I am already whetting my lips in anticipation at the prospect of the 22nd of January when Arsenal take on Manchester United. I wonder what price you can get at the bookies for Henry to score and Scholes to score and get sent off, whatever it is it’s definitely worth a punt!
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About the Authors:

John started his comedy career back in 2008 after his wife signed him up for a comedy competition in the Sunday Mail, without his knowledge. He ended up winning it and going on to the final of So You Think You’re Funny. A year later he won Scottish Comedian of the year. He talks about his home life with his wife and 3 daughters mostly as there is very little else exciting that happens in his life.

He has followed Rangers all his life. As a 5 year old boy he spent his birthday money on his first Rangers strip complete with number 9 on the back. It was also around that time that he was taken to a barbers for a haircut and asked to get his hair done like Frank McAvennie. As he had short, brown, poker straight hair the barber struggled to recreate the long blonde permed look that McAvennie sported at the time. This is a tale that his mother likes to share from time to time.

He also distantly related to Rangers hall of fame member Willie Waddell. It is very distant, but its close enough that he likes to use this to make him look like a big man.

His football career took a nose dive in secondary school when he found out he was actually a better rugby player than footballer. Brief stints at 5 a sides in 20′s followed. Since a tragic accident in which he slipped and fell on some ice due to his insistance on wearing converse all stars, he broke his left leg. Since then he has been too much of a big Jessie to grace a pitch again.

“All the makings of a class act” – Chortle

“Brilliant” – Sunday Mail

“Hard hitting and side splitting” – Daily Record

“There’s a rosy future ahead for John Gavin” – Scotsman

“Very Impressive” – Edinburgh Evening News

Follow John on Twitter – @johngavincomedy

John’s website – www.johngavincomedy.com

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Having made his comedy debut in September 2008, Ray has quickly established himself as one of the most exciting new acts on the comedy circuit. A two time Scottish Comedian of The Year finalist, Ray has travelled the lengths and breadths of the country telling jokes to anyone that will listen, making his name as an MC for various promoters.

Ray is a Partick Thistle fan who has an unhealthy obsession with Jean-Yves Anis and Paul Walker. The only players who have ever come close to such admiration since are Emile Heskey, Marlon “Fox in the Box” Harewood and Charlie Adam (his left foot only.) 

Ray currently manages a saturday morning amateur team known as the mighty West Glasgow, where he is affectionately known as the “Ginger Mourinho” or simply the “Dick on the touchline”. A keen footballer, Ray likes to think his dead ball skills are similar to Shunsuke Nakamura, but at time they are more like Hiro Nakamura from Heroes. As a well known John Hartson impersonator, Ray is versatile in the emergency striker role when needed and can also kick Eyal Berkovic in the face upon request. 

“Very funny” – STV

“a very promising writer, able to create some enjoyably twisted punchlines” – Chortle

“Has a Clear Comedy Gift” – Edinburgh Evening News

“Funnier than a falcon…” – Frankie Boyle

You can follow Ray on Twitter: @comedyray

Check out Ray’s Website http://raybradshaw.co.uk/

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