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By Andy Todd (@toddandy)
Our annual round up of the best (well, worst) football songs of the year begins this week with numbers 10 to 5.

10 Portsmouth

If you’ve never taken drugs then, don’t worry, you can recreate the effect by listening to this, frankly, bizarre version of Portsmouth’s official anthem ‘Portsmouth Chimes’. Listen as someone somewhere forced the Teletubbies to sing like Nigella Lawson.

9 Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi’s currently recuperating from injury with his legs up and a copy of Harry Redknapp’s autobiography to read (particularly Chapter 7 – How I Beat The Taxman). Did you know though, that along with offering goals, goals and more goals, he also has an official? To be honest, it’s not a classic but then he did, unusually for him, miss a great opportunity. He should have covered Lionel Ritchies’s ‘Hello’. Think about it, what could be cooler than Lionel singing ‘Hello, Is It Goals Your Looking For?’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UpfuGKjUkI

8 Maradona

While the clamour for Messi to be named the greatest of all time grows, can he do this?

No – that was Maradona singing his own song about ‘devil women’ and the ‘hand of God’. Did Messi sing his own song? No. That’s why Maradona is this year’s number 8 ahead of Lionel Messi.

7 Sir Alex Ferguson

It might be an official cover rather than fan made, but even Sir Alex might have cracked a smile over this version of The Killer’s ‘All These Thing I’ve Done’.

http://youtu.be/SM3N9xyWktI

6 Doncaster Rovers

Big hair. Big tunes. At Doncaster they only sing one song – ‘Walking Out Of The Darkness’ by former US number one singer John Parr. John’s ‘St Elmo’s Fire’ was one of the 1980’s biggest songs and ‘Walking Out Of The Darkness’ shows exactly why he would go onto be remembered as a one hit wonder…

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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).

Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.

Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy

Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com

Andy Todd’s Jukebox Durie presents The Best of 2013, Part 1:

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