It’s transfers, rumours, and nonsense time again but before we get started let’s go ahead and make an important Public Safety Announcement.
THE TRANSFER WINDOW OPENS IN T-MINUS ONE DAY ISH.
The Scottish Comedy FC office (which doesn’t exist) is decked out in the traditional yellow bunting but wait… there’s more news on the transfer window. It’s closing early this year and all business must be completed by 6pm on September 1st!
Let’s go across to Sky Sports News HQ to see how they’re reacting to that bombshell.
Oh.
Moving swiftly on and Liverpool, fresh from securing Danny Ings, are taking a look at inconsistency’s Christian Benteke. He has a £32.5 million buyout clause in his contract but Brendan Rodgers is hoping that he will be able to distract Tim Sherwood using something shiny for long enough to kidnap the Belgian and take him to Merseyside.
Scotland’s own Andy Robertson had a decent season despite Hull City being relegated, leading Steve Bruce to value him at £30m- Aston Villa will almost certainly reinvest Benteke’s entire transfer fee in him. Honest. This is the same Steve Bruce who has placed a price tag of £10m on James Chester leading all potential suitors to look at one of the hundreds of cheaper, better players available.
Manchester United are also in the market for a striker. With Robin van Persie off to Lazio and Radamel Falcao off to the Glue Factory, Louis van Gaal is set to turn his attention to Spurs’ Harry Kane and is willing to part with ‘cash up front’, Nani, Adnan Januzaj, some grass from the centre circle at Old Trafford, a signed copy of Sir Alex Ferguson’s Autobiography and Javier Hernandez in order to get him. You can guarantee that one’s not going to happen.
Daniel Levy’s already got a signed copy of Sir Alex Ferguson’s Autobiography and since playing FIFA, has decided that 19-year-old Monaco striker Anthony Martial “has promise” and is worth £20m.
In Scotland, Celtic have been linked with a number of players which only the hippest of football hipsters will claim to have heard of and Virgil van Dijk– a favourite of this column- is still being linked with Premier League clubs who think he’d look really good in a relegation dogfight. Poor guy.
Preston North End are keen to take Bilel Mohsni’s padawan Ian Black to the Championship having clearly never seen him play and Huddersfield are preparing a bid involving actual money for Nicky Law. Honestly, what crap will we come up with next?
Find out next week…
