The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn last season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football, who may next season bless you with a modest run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to those omnipotent bastards.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are going to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched and leaked every week until the start of next season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. West Brom
The new West Brom shirt is pretty par for the course. Adding a wee bit of red to the shirt is a nice touch but they’ve been making the headlines not for their delightful sartorial choices but for this incredibly weird promotional video for the kit.
One commenter summed it up perfectly…
4. Motherwell
Right, I know what you’re thinking but imagine for a second that they’re not sponsored by Cash Converters and Macron don’t have the insatiable desire to plaster their own logo on every available centimetre of fabric.
You imagining that?
Looks great, doesn’t it? A classic bit of wasted potential for Motherwell. Shame.
3. Partick Thistle
Not so cuddly anymore is the battle cry for Thistle’s new season and with their distinctly terrifying new mascot in place, only the home kit was really left. Thistle’s last few kits have been relatively uninspiring but their new effort has a bit of personality, helped by a furious Kingsley in the centre.
Mind you, they could have gone another way…
Partick Thistle really should have gotten Hulk Hogan to sponsor them. He could have been the mascot too. pic.twitter.com/f3Am14faSv
— Jamie McDougall (@Jamie_McDougall) June 30, 2015
2. Manchester City
Here’s the new Manchester City shirt. After going for years trying to find an accent colour that works for them, they’ve decided to give white a go. It’s fairly inoffensive and at least it doesn’t have any abstract waveforms running through it. So that’s something.
1. Sturm Graz
Could it be that we’ve found the worst home and away kit in history? The kit designer behind these travesties should be fired out of a cannon into the sun. Austrian club Sturm Graz usually alternate between horizontal and vertical black and white striped football shirts and this departure to a Photoshop Pattern Fill won’t fill many of their fans’ hearts with joy.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
