Another window, another story about Manchester United trying to buy a player from Real Madrid. Yes, it’s a New Year, it’s a new transfer window, but it’s the same old Transfer Nonsense.
You might be interested to know that many transfer rumours are only put about by broadcasters who have their own betting companies and therefore their own agendas in the reporting of their sports ‘news’. As such, putting money on Cristiano Ronaldo, Gareth Bale and Neymar rocking up at Old Trafford either in January or in the summer might be the worst idea since Stefan Scepovic.
Especially now that both Real Madrid and their neighbours Atletico have had transfer bans imposed, the yellow tied broadcasters in Wapping are positively wapping themselves over the promise of both clubs splurging millions of Euros on huge names like Paul Pogba, Eden Hazard, David De Gea and Jamie Vardy. Wait, that can’t be right. Nope – it seems to be right. Jamie Vardy to Real, let’s just get over it.
Newcastle United have decided that they might manage to stay in the Premier League if they buy the best players from a club who are also struggling to stay in the Premier League, thus forming some kind of Premier League super-disappointment. They’re looking to add Bafetimbi Gomis to their signing of Jonjo Shelvey. Lucky them.
In Scotland it’s exciting times for Kevin Thomson as he tries desperately to take a chance on him and his knackered knees, but much less exciting for most other clubs who are trying to release their six-month-duds (those players who came in with a lot of promise who have barely been heard from) in order to sign a bunch of exactly the same players.
Hibs are desperate to steal a march on Rangers on the road to the title. The Gers are close to bringing in St. Johnstone speedster Michael O’Halloran while Hibs are hoping that the promise of first team football and not having to change the wallpaper in his bedroom will be enough to tempt Anthony Stokes to join on loan. The Hibees also want the afore-mentioned Kevin Thomson, so good lookin’ out on Leith.
Celtic are taking a note from their fans and trawling Scandinavia – the key to success for the Bhoys on Football Manager – for new singings. They’re looking to add Rasmus Falk – son of Columbo – to new defender Erik Sviatchenko. Efe Ambrose has told the papers that his days of being Celtic’s fall guy are over, so presumably he’s leaving Celtic Park.
Transfer Nonsense will return next week, or if anything major happens between now and then, but until then we remind you not to believe everything you read in the papers. If you did you’d think Barcelona were going to sign Dirk Kuyt.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
