Imagine for a second that you’re Leigh Griffiths. You’ve come home after a difficult day of singing offensive songs about Rudi Skacel that mean nothing to anyone except you and a few Hibs fans, you’ve plopped yourself down on the sofa and opened the ‘hallowed’ pages of the BBC Sport website.
What’s that? Your manager’s talking about Carlton Cole coming in to train? That’ll be nice for him, give the old man a chance to blow off some cobwebs. With a view to signing? The same Carlton Cole who’s scored less than 100 league goals in his career? Despite being in the Premier League for most of it?
It’s enough to make you want to knee someone in the crown jewels.
On the bright side there’s a chance that Cole, who has lived in London all of his life, might not like Glasgow and would prefer to return South of the border in the hope that West Ham have another injury crisis. Cole had already turned down a previous offer from Celtic in June so it’s nice to see that Ronny Deila’s persistence has paid off… even if has resulted in this.
Of course, Carlton Cole is in himself a comedy figure what with his propensity to miss the target but that might play into Celtic’s hands. What if starting Carlton Cole is a trick? With their opponents rolling around on the deck, laughing their arses off at the sight of Carlton Cole, one of the worst footballers ever to grace the Premier League that he might get a one-on-one with the ‘keeper… before skying it obviously.
Of course, the really worrying thing is that Carlton might arrive in the Premiership and actually be good and score a lot of goals. After all of the positivity surrounding Scottish football this season, Carlton Cole leading the scoring charts might finally be the thing to kill it off.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
Pingback: Double Hat Trick 21/09/2015 | Nutmeg Soccer