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How quickly a rainy night in Molde is forgotten. After Celtic’s massive win over – let’s face it – a pretty pathetic Dundee United, there were many praising their manager and a few of Thursday’s villains as heroes. That makes slagging them off in a half-fictionalised transfer roundup very difficult. All we here at Scottish Comedy FC ask for is a little consistency.

One player who seemed to be on his way out after being the only player on the park with half a clue on Thursday night was Kris Commons. He could be seen shouting and gesticulating at one of football’s great thinkers, John Collins, after being substituted, leading many to believe that the man who shoots more often than a sniper might be on his way out of Celtic Park.

Fast forward three days to Parkhead and the Englishman had scored a brace and was being praised by his manager who was so reassured following the game that he is still trying to fully exhale his sigh of relief. Another week in the job.

Unfortunately for Efe Ambrose, there was no such forgiveness. The Nigerian is still the target for many Celtic fans who believe that his lack of mobility and defensive naivety is responsible for their woes at the back this season and, frankly, they’re right.

Usually in Transfer Nonsense there would be a list of clubs swimming around the good ship Efe Ambrose like sharks but not in this case – Celtic fans might have live with the unpredictability of their gaffe-prone centre back.

Speaking of being gaffe-prone, Jose Mourinho only has one game left to save his job. A defeat against draw-loving Liverpool on Hallowe’en would see a spooky sacking for Jose. Chelsea would like to bring in Pep Guardiola and, as we all know, if wishes were horses beggars would ride.

Tactics Tim Sherwood, a man who proved to be as out of his depth as we suggested last week, looks all set to receive £2 million and the manager’s gilet at Swindon Town as a result of his abject failure at Aston Villa, proving that crap really does always float to the top.

Villa themselves have former Lyon manager Remi Garde in their sights. Brendan Rodgers has distanced himself from the job by taking over the reins at a small paper company in Slough.

And finally, proof that scoring a hatful of goals and a having distaste for Asian cultures will see you linked with a move away from your club, Jamie Vardy is being linked with Liverpool, Tottenham and – your eyes do not deceive you – Real Madrid.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Follow Scottish Comedy FC on Twitter: @ScotComFC

Michael Park
According to Vanity Fair, Michael Park is "The Internet's Most Thoughtful Hipster".

He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.

He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.

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