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This was the week when Sir Alex Ferguson took the opportunity to remind the world that he thinks Roy Keane and David Beckham are both f*ds. Or rather, to take the opportunity to praise Eric Cantona, Ryan Giggs, Paul Scholes and Cristiano Ronaldo for being the only world class players he worked with during his time at Manchester United. But mainly the first thing.

Warming to his time back in the spotlight, Fergie also revealed that when Wayne Rooney’s wages were bumped up to £250k a week, he took the opportunity to petition the board for an agreement that no player would ever earn more than him. That must have made for some interesting managerial advice being offered to Wayne. A change from “Look at the history of this club and what you could achieve here, what do you think you’re playing at?” to “Get back in there and ask for an extra £50k a week! And while you’re at it, see if any of them have got a racehorse!”

Alex Ferguson’s old club, Aberdeen, have also been making the news as they dispatched Hearts to keep up their winning start to the season. Billy Stark said that if the Dandy Dons can lift the league title this season it will surpass the club’s 1983 Cup Winners’ Cup triumph in Gothenburg. You’d certainly expect to see that 1983 Dons team coming together to celebrate if Derek McInnes’s men do manage victory in Scotland this season. If only because they probably couldn’t afford the booze prices to actually get steaming in Sweden to celebrate that 1983 triumph.

Down South, Sir Alex also revealed that United had been interested in Pep Guardiola, Jose Mourinho, Jurgen Klopp, Carlo Ancelotti and Louis van Gaal before plumping for David Moyes because none of them were available. It’s tempting to wonder how any of those alternatives would have got on if they’d come in when Moyes did. If nothing else, had the fans arranged a plane trailing a banner demanding the removal of Mourinho – he’d just have signed Ashley Cole to shoot it down and then prevented doctors from treating the pilot.

Yes, Eva Carneiro finally left Chelsea, setting up the ultimate f*** you free transfer opportunity for Arsene Wenger. Though knowing Wenger, he’ll probably opt instead to sign a 19 year-old medical student who may someday become influential enough to fall out with Mourinho.

In the Scottish League Cup, Rangers must have developed a sense of empathy with that pig’s head; discovering what it’s like to be pumped by Barbour-jacket wearers. Mark Warburton’s 11-match winning streak was brought to a shuddering halt by a St Johnstone side so clinical they probably shower in surgical spirit. For Dave King it raised the alarming question – how much do you have to spend to reach the last 8 of the Scottish League Cup?

Dundee United players showed great tactical insight and discipline in their match against Dunfermline; clearly having come up with a way to remain in the cup for their future manager while still turning in a performance that would further undermine current boss Jackie McNamara. An extra-time victory over a side two divisions below them (albeit the UK’s highest scorers) did the job.

Perhaps the most bizarre sight of the evening was at Cappielow though, where Motherwell fans clashed with police and stewards while trying to spill onto the pitch. In fairness to them though, who hasn’t been to Greenock and thought that the experience might be more bearable on grass? It must have been a thought that occurred to Motherwell manager Ian Baraclough. Losing 3-2 after extra-time to a team from a division below means that he seems set to become the latest news story connecting Greenock and unemployment.

Ross 'Teddy' Craig
Teddy retired from stand-up in 2014 after a 16-year career that saw him win ‘Best Up and Coming Comedian’ at The Scottish Variety Awards in 2010 and come runner-up in the Scottish Comedian of the Year Finals of 2008 and 2009.

Among other TV and radio credits, his football-savvy has meant roles as writer/script-editor on Offside and Only An Excuse (both BBC1 Scotland).

He set up ScottishComedyFC.com in 2011, hosts and produces the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast and is often the fingers behind the tweets on @ScotComFC.

These days, his content-creative and social media skills have led to him working as a content marketing specialist with a top Edinburgh agency. He remains in demand as a comedy writer and this year has been commissioned to write on the BBC Radio Scotland shows ‘The Good, The Bad and The Unexpected’, ‘The Fame Game’ and ‘Breaking The News’.

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Topical Times: Does Alex Ferguson Think Aberdeen Are World Class?

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