david-de-gea-wave

There’s been a lot of waving this weekend. David De Gea and Radamel Falcao waved goodbye to Old Trafford and Manchester United, Steven Lawless waved goodbye to his self-respect and the entire world came together to mourn the passing (into semi-retirement) of Steven Gerrard.

Before the season has even ground to its inevitable close, the transfer merry-go-round is picking up speed. The lights are on, the hobby-horses are… hobbying and they all have the faces of Virgil Van Dijk and Yaya Touré pasted onto them.

So where’s everyone off to? After achieving his lifelong dream of making seven starts for Liverpool, it looks like Rickie Lambert is off to Bournemouth to achieve his lifelong dream of  being outshone by Callum Wilson.

Who’s going to come in to replace THE GOALS (all two of them) that Liverpool are losing? Brendan Rodgers is interested in Man City physio’s favourite Stevan Jovetic since he didn’t even want to sign Danny Ings anyway. Ings is apparently off to Manchester United and is seen as a better option up front than Radamel Falcao.

Mull that over for a couple of minutes. Danny Ings > Radamel Falcao.

Roberto Mancini, whose Doctor Who scarf now graces the dugout at the Giuseppe Meazza, has been eagerly pursuing Yaya Touré across the moors. The scorer of two ‘Very Yaya’ goals against Swansea on Sunday is slightly more tempted by the briefcase full of money coquettishly being pushed across his dining room table by Al Gharafa.

Unhappy at only having one trustworthy central midfielder, Manchester United’s Louis van Gaal will offer Roma ‘too much money’ for Radja Nainggolan and Miralem Pjanic. He might also fancy Kevin Strootman, Francesco Totti, Rudi Voller and Vincent Candela because as a famous Alan once said, “when you’re the king, you can do anything.”

In Scotland, Danny Wilson is being linked with Celtic because he’s had quite a good season and is Scottish (that’s how these things work). He’ll replace Virgil Van Dijk who is so sick of winning things that he’s going to do a bunk to Spurs where he will pretend to be excited about the Europa League for a couple of seasons.

No-one is linking Scotland’s latest third-choice ‘keeper Scott Bain with Celtic… yet. Let’s start it now. Scott Bain to Celtic. You heard it here first.

Rumours abound that another noted scarf-wearer, Sunderland’s Dick Advocaat, will quit the club regardless of whether the club are up, or whether the club are down, even if they are only half way up he’ll be off to Rangers to see what Tore André Flo’s up to these days.

Fears grow. Wave hello.

 

The Week In Transfer Nonsense: Say Hello, Wave Goodbye

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