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I’ve painstakingly compiled the Euro 2012 thoughts of the Scottish Comedy FC squad…
Teddy (@ComedyTeddy)
Like to see win: After the BBC’s ‘Stadiums of Hate’ special, the association between Ukrainian football and Nazi sympathies seems to have become fairly entrenched. One thing though – remember Escape To Victory? A film about an allied team beating the Nazis at football? It was based on the Kyiv (mainly Dynamo) players who defeated a Luftwaffe select…in a match refereed by an SS officer. One of the Kyiv players even ran right through on goal, stopped the ball on the goal-line, then booted it back up the pitch to show that they were taking the piss.
The consequences? A few days later the players were in prison camps and many didn’t survive the war.
70 years later? A documentary is made slamming Ukrainian football for being pro-Nazi…and it’s made by a country comprised of four national teams. One of which’s players gave a Nazi salute in Berlin in 1938.
Player to watch: Robert Lewandowski. The Polish striker has just enjoyed an amazing season with Dortmund. He’s been top scorer in all of the top three Polish divisions. He’s a Polish Jordan Rhodes. What?
(Other player to watch is Ukraine’s Artem Milevskiy. He might be sh*te or he might be amazing. It depends if he can be arsed. He’ll probably be sh*te.)
One wish: A trouble-free tournament that improves the experience – and the outside perception of the experience – of watching football in Poland & Ukraine… and that makes it slightly easier to travel from the UK to Lviv in the Ukraine as it looks amazing and I’d love to go.
Mark Davies (@bigmarkdavies)
Who would I like to see win: England obviously
Who do I think will win: Holland
Who would I wish to win: Greece, just to see how long they would keep the trophy before melting it down. By the way, if it’s a Greece v Germany final then even if Greece win the Germans will probably claim it as theirs due to the fact they’ve bankrolled Greece for the last 18 months.
Player to watch: Jelavic will have a good one I think. Think a few Irish boys may do well too, considering all Polish workers are over here, there must be loads of tarmacing to be done over there.
My wish for the tournament: If England win it, Steve McClaren turns up in his manager’s kit, including his brolly.
Rick Molland (@rickmolland)
Who would I like to see win: England, it’s about time and now we’ve got the players and the man not good enough to manage the Red Sh*te in charge…. What the f*ck could go wrong?
Who will win: Traditionally Germany always do pretty well in Poland, I’ll go with them.
Player to Watch: Follow the Jelavic Road, Follow the Jelavic Road, Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow the Jelavic Road! Let’s just see how much his price tag rises over this championship. I really like Ozil as well, but a Jelavic Golden boot means I may see Teddy cry. Fingers Crossed.
Jim Park (@jimpark99)
Who would I like to see win: I think if England get out their group, they will win it.
Also, being a big fan of pedantry, I’d like to add that the country is The Netherlands and should not be referred to as Holland, ie Holland is only a region of The Netherlands. Portugal as a good each-way bet.
Pearse James (@pearsejames)
Who would I like to see win: The association of Island of Ireland and Scottish players that play under the name Republic of Ireland…
Player to watch: James McClean… The Irish Oxlade-Chamberlain who will be the ace up Trappatoni’s sleeve.
One wish: Ireland to beat France in the final. The winner is an own goal by Thierry Henry that strikes off his hand. HUH? KARMA BABY KARMA>>> HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT NOW YA B*LLOCKS? Huh? WHERE”S YER RULE BOOK NOW? Not so good is it ye shower of f*cks? …
Sorry, it still cuts deep.
Gordon Alexander (@GoAlexander)
Who would you like to see win: Germany. After the stultifying Greek and Spanish victories in the last two tournaments, I genuinely hope they win, if only to show Europe there is another way. A bit like Syriza in Greece, Reccip Erdogan in Turkey and the SDP here. Its not a stereotypical German Mannschaft. They play the best, most attacking, most engaging football in Europe and they deserve the recognition that accompanies success. Or England, solely because Hodgson’s such a thoroughly nice chap.
Player to watch: Alan Dzagoev (Russia). CSKA attacking midfielder. He’s young, pulled the strings of a bloody good CSKA team that got through the group stages of the Champions League and acquitted himself well, very well in fact against Real Madrid. Ridiculously skillful, only 21, will slice the Czech/Polish/Greek defences wide open and he’s the perfect accompaniment to a tasty Arshavin/Pavlyuchenko/Kerzhakov strikeforce. Plus his name’s Alan.
If you could have one wish for the Euros what would it be: Greece, Ireland, Greece, Croatia and Greece are the first home. Their presence demeans the entire tournament. The Greeks specifically. They are a dreadful team, still playing a dreadful style of football with some dreadful players from a dreadful, dreadful, vastly over-rated country. Ditto Croatia and to a much lesser extent Ireland. The Greeks are petty and bullies too. Ask any Macedonian why they have to stick FYROM before the name of their own bloody country. Merkel should pull the plug and the Poles and the Czechs can do us all a favour by sticking them on a Eurolines at the first opportunity. Amen.
Richard Hunter (@tricky308)
Who would you like to see win: The Netherlands. Why? well after they were cheated at the last Final by a Spain team using clearly dirty and terrible tactics (have you sensed the sarcasm?) I would just like to see them win by playing the attractive football that i watched them play in the last tournament only to throw away al that in the final with some spectacular scissor kicks and various others.
So, as long at they win it well. The Netherlands
Player to watch: Ibrahimovic. It’s likely to be his last tournament and I think most of Swedens success lies with him showing a crap load of form. If he shines Sweden could do well.
What do I hope for:
1) Sweden to play a “flat back 4” just so i can make an IKEA joke
2) there to be the complete lack of “problems” that everyone is so passionate about reporting.
3) One of the coaches to give me the quote of a lifetime by swearing at/mocking/general craziness in a press conference
4) good weather
5) Ronaldo to get nutmegged at least once (wipe the wink right of his face)
Daniel Downie (freeforapound.blogspot.com)
Who would you like to see win: Well with it being in Poland and Ukraine I predict a riot..!! I’d like to see the Spanish retain their title although the young German midfield looks exciting…..player to look out for is Brussia’s Gotze if given a chance alongside Khedira could be a very exciting prospect.
One wish: My wish is obviously that Scotland were there and that I never got Greece in the sweepstakes…I smashed a few plates after hearing that news!
Eddie Cassidy (part of @RNTcomedy)
Who do you think will win: Holland – they have previously won the Euros and, with Van Persie and Sneider potentially putting themselves in the shop window, I think they might do it. Though would anyone be surprised if Robben added a Euros defeat to go with his World Cup Final and two Champions League final defeats (including vital penalty misses, and missed sitters) in the last 2 years? Spain I think will come up just short (theres a reason no-one has won 3 tourneys in a row, ever) as will the Germans, but I fancy Croatia and Russia to do well as dark horses.
Player to watch: I think Jelavic will have a good tournament, and will probably lead the line for the Croats since Olic is injured. He’ll once again prove what a bargain Rangers got at whatever price they wound up paying for him plus whatever they got for selling him, despite not having paid for him fully in the first place.
One wish for the tournament: A Glaswegian to get on the scoresheet at a major finals for the first time since 1994 when Ray Houghton scored for Ireland – come on Aiden McGeady, the whole of Glasgow, nae Scotland is behind you!
…and last, but not least, Andy Todd (@toddandy)
Who would you like to see win: If Chelsea’s victory in the Champions League has taught us anything it is this: playing dull defensive football is a sure fire route to cup success (see Greece 2004). England have no strikers. They don’t need them. On 1 July, John Terry will be lifting a European trophy for the right reason but for the wrong type of football.
Player to watch: John Terry. Even if England get knocked out in round 1, he’ll still be at the final!
If you could have one wish for the Euros what would it be: Italy win their opening game 10-0. This isn’t a wish, by the way, a Malaysian bookie told me it would happen…
You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).
Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.
Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy
Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com
Great overview. Very excited to see Alan Dzagoev and Mario Gotze. Also keep your eyes peeled for Rafal Wolski (Poland) and Ioannis ‘Fetfa’ Fetfatzidis (Greece) if they manage to get any game time. Fetfa is the Greek Messi (apparently).
Fetfa’s a new one on me so will be looking out for him! Though only for about the first 30mins tonight as then I have to go and do a gig. (Diary-fail)