The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn last season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football, who may next season bless you with a modest run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to those omnipotent bastards.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new football ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are on hand to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched every single week until the start of the season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. Preston North End
See Norwich, this is how you trick your players into acting like they’re proud of their hideous new change kit. Hang a suitcase full of money above their heads and get them on a treadmill. Problem solved.
4. Manchester City
It might look nice at first glance but Man City’s new away kit has an image of the moon on the sleeves. Because there’s a blue moon rising, you see. It’s clever. It’s actually not, and it looks like one of those wolf t-shirts that arseholes wear.
3. AS Monaco
This is quite something. Monaco are pretty set on their weird diagonal home kit and have gone for something much simpler with their away kit. Aside from the boggin’ pick n’ mix boots on display in the launch picture, the kit looks absolutely fantastic.
2. Sampdoria
Well blow me down with a feather, this might be the nicest set of kits I’ve ever seen. Even the decision to move the Sampdoria badge onto the arm of the third kit looks absolutely inspired. Well done Joma! Can I have one?
1. Newcastle United
WELL THIS IS AWKWARD ISN’T IT?!
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
