The time is almost upon us where football fans across the nation burn last season’s official replica kit in a cleansing fire.
For those who have had an exciting and successful season, the fire is a way of offering sacrifice to the gods of football, who may next season bless you with a modest run in the Europa League. For the rest of us, the fire is a way of sending toxic plumes of smoke up to those omnipotent bastards.
That means you’ll be on the lookout for new football ‘kit’, ‘clobber’ and ‘stuff’ to satiate your lust for sporting goods. Luckily, Scottish Comedy FC are on hand to bring you the top (not necessarily nicest) new football shirts launched every single week until the start of the season! Aren’t you lucky?
5. Partick Thistle
This football kit throws at you the entire gamut of emotions. At first glance it’s quite nice, on second glance it looks a bit too blue, on third glance you realise that the kit is the sky and KINGSLEY IS THE SUN.
ALL HAIL KINGSLEY, 21ST CENTURY INCARNATION OF THE SUN GOD RA!
4. Chelsea
After last week’s easy on the eye home kit, this week has seen the launch of an equally pleasant away kit. As with a lot of away kits, this just gets an honourable mention because they’re often so bad. This one’s all clean lines and lovely sponsor integration. Not sure what’s going on with Eden Hazard’s neck though.
3. Celtic
Oh, New Balance. You were almost there. Almost over the line with two- it has to be said- pretty fantastic Celtic kits both home and away and then you went and did this. Nike already tried to resurrect the “iconic” Bumblebee kit. Just let it die peacefully, for god’s sake.
2. Norwich City
Questions must be asked at Carrow Road. Questions like, could you get three players more acutely aware of the hideousness of this kit to model it? Did the designer consciously leave a massive space below the sponsor logo? Why have they done this to a club who have just secured their Premier League status?
And of course, most importantly, what would this top look like on Alex Neil?
1. Bournemouth
Kudos to Bournemouth and Northampton Town for unveiling kits designed to benefit Breast Cancer research. Northampton are donating 10% of their proceeds to the charity, while 5% of the proceeds from the Bournemouth shirt will be passed on.
As for Bournemouth’s kit itself (Northampton’s wasn’t much cop), it’s pretty exceptional looking- apart from the pervasive JD branding- and it’s for a good cause. Top. Smash it.
He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.
He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.
