Scottish Comedy FC has exclusively learned that Jesus Christ, Christ The Redeemer, Christ of Galilee, adopted son of Joseph & Mary, is ready to take the vacant Liverpool FC job after Brendan Rogers was sacked.
The Anfield board are determined to move quickly to make the King of Kings their new manager before the club’s next game against Spurs on October 17.
An insider said: “The fans want someone they can believe in again. A real miracle worker who can turn this season around. In short, they need a saviour. When we checked the stats, Jesus Christ was the only candidate to score 100% in all of those categories. He’s perfect. The stats don’t lie!”
While many people believe Jurgen Klopp is the front runner to replace Rogers, our insider revealed that the board has doubts about the popular German: “Our transfer committee has identified a number of new signings. We asked him to rate the new players on a scale of one to 10 – but he kept saying ‘nine’ and shaking his head. It was like he didn’t understand the importance of a standardised numeric scoring system to underpin a cost effective moneyball style transfer system at all.”
We asked a Liverpool fan what he thought about the possibility of being managed by the Son of God. He said: “Any son of Robbie Fowler can manage t’pool any time they like, la!”
In a statement issued after Rodgers was sacked, the board dropped a big hint that Christ would soon be arriving at Anfield: “Although this has been a difficult decision, we believe it provides us with the best opportunity for not just success on the pitch – but also in the next life too”.
Former Liverpool player and manager Graeme Souness, one of the ringleaders behind a campaign to get rid of Rogers, simply said: “While I welcome the Son of the Almighty, the Author of Eternal Salvation, the First and Last, the Rock of Heaven and Saviour of the World, a club with Liverpool’s history and tradition can do better”.
Celtic fan Andrew Todd is the co-author of ‘Jukebook Durie: the best & worst football songs’ – the first book to tell the stories behind the anthems for every team in the UK.
He’s a part-time comedian and in 2014, he supported Eddie Izzard in ‘Please Don’t Go’, Izzard’s show about Scottish independence and worked with BBC Radio Scotland as a weekly guest on Referendum Tonight.
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He’s a part-time comedian and in 2014, he supported Eddie Izzard in ‘Please Don’t Go’, Izzard’s show about Scottish independence and worked with BBC Radio Scotland as a weekly guest on Referendum Tonight.
Liverpool FC Set To Appoint Son Of God As New Manager
