I have often thought, what if time travel were possible? But what if going back in time in football and changing an event could, in turn, upset events that have happened since? Would it all be worth it?
This summer Gary Locke seems to be fishing from the ex-Rangers and ex-Hearts ponds almost exclusively, while also trying to somehow unite the ponds with a few signings who have both Rangers and Hearts on their CV. It is getting harder and harder to remember when Kilmarnock F.C. cast their net further afield for talent, like in mid 90s when they went down to Manchester United to look at Colin McKee and nearly came back with Paul Scholes.
Yes, that Paul Scholes.
Not everyone reading may be aware of this urban myth/absolute fact but it’s my understanding that back in the mid-90s when then Killie boss Alex Totten went down to watch Colin McKee and subsequently spot Neil Whitworth and sign both in a double switch from Manchester United, he actually had his eye caught by a wee ginger guy at Man United’s training ground.
“Who is the wee ginger fella, wouldn’t mind him” is how the story goes (in my head) of Totten’s conversation with Alex Ferguson while they watch the first team train and discuss the transfer of McKee and Whitworth. “Paul Scholes. He’s yours for a million” Fergie replies. Totten declines because Killie don’t have a million pounds to sign on one player and finalises the half millionish deal for the other two and heads back up the road, two Man United starlets in his back pocket from the “can’t win anything with kids” era and the expected plaudits of the Kilmarnock fans and media at such a coup.
You must have heard that story, it was from a bygone time where Scottish teams actually went down to the Premiership and paid money for some young reserve players rather than taking a wee lend of them for shop window purchases before they head back down to get booted about Walsall’s ground in another move to get them ready for the “greatest league in the world”.
But what if Alex Totten had actually signed Paul Scholes for Kilmarnock?
Bit of a leap here, but in movies the butterfly effect is a plot device commonly used to drive the narrative of some of its biggest films. It’s when characters travel back in time and change a moment in the past and it subsequently has a knock on effect on the future. Marty McFly rectifies a butterfly effect by having to engineer his parents getting together (after having arsed up their original first meeting by saving his father from getting run down by his grandpa after falling out the tree which he was up perving onto the road) as that particular effect would have resulted in him ceasing, in the reality he left in 1985, to exist in Back to the Future. Similar stuff probably happens in that Ashton Kutcher film too, but I haven’t seen it to confirm.
So what flap of a butterfly’s wings is needed to generate this “marquee signing” fork in history? How about at one of the fan rallies before the Moffat/Fleeting takeover, when Bobby Fleeting was describing a brave new future of all seated stadiums and top flight football, a fan from the future piped up with the pertinent point that an eighteen thousand seat stadium probably would be a bit big all things considered, maybe just over ten would suffice. Now as a sound bite it’s not exactly awe-inspiring but nonetheless those words stuck in the mind of Mr Fleeting and when it came to the stadium roughly about half a million pounds was saved and put past for players. Then on that fated day in Manchester when SAF (or AF as he was known then) offered up Oldham’s most famous fan, Alex Totten would say “yes thanks, a million quid is doable” and Killie would have a new number 18.
Eventually 18, most likely an 8 or 10 in the old numbering system we had back then.
History is changed forever and in the books it read that Paul Scholes signed for Killie and not McKee and Whitworth. Whitworth wouldn’t have scored that 30 yarder at Tannadice and McKee wouldn’t have been utter utter mince in the semi-final v Dundee United and subsequently replaced with Gary Holt in the replay. An outcome Scholes wouldn’t have had any effect on due to him being out injured (a broken cheekbone from training, a common Killie training ground injury back then) and missed out on the final which went the exact same way incidentally although Holt played both semis.
So Scholes or Scholesy as we would have known him as by now he would probably be coaching a lower league English club or appearing in an independent film (Andy McLaren in Angels Share anyone?), or driving a taxi or something, I don’t know. At this point you might be thinking that the move ended in a bit of a disaster for him given how his life could have (actually did) turn out.
He did get a shot at the Champions league though, as in 98/99 he came into his own after Christmas when everything seemed to fall apart in our timeline. In the Paul Scholes timeline he played his part in the midfield trio of Durrant, Holt and himself which took the first SPL title away from Glasgow since Dundee United done so when Jim McLean managed it with Hamish MacAlpine and a squad of six players or whatever that ridiculous stat is. What a Euro campaign it was too, qualifiers then group stages. 100 years of Rugby Park celebrated in the Champions League… wooft! That’s a story for another day though. Of course, in 2004 he celebrated his testimonial year with a 12k sell-out v Oldham Athletic where he played a half for both teams.
Another lovely by-product of the move was that in the Scotland vs. England playoff he wasn’t there to score a double at Hampden and as such Scotland went through to the finals off the back of Don Hutchison’s Wembley header. We never got out of the group stages though, some things never change.
You might be wondering what happened to the other people involved in this transfer back in 94. Well, Man United’s history didn’t change too much, without his goal in the 99 Champions League quarter final they still went through to the semi and then the final (which he missed due to suspension anyway). In 2005 Quinton Fortune took the second penalty of the FA Cup final and scored meaning the spot kicks went to sudden death but Wes Brown hit one into orbit and the trophy was Arsenal’s like normal.
Without Scholes in the midfield Juan Sebastian Veron was a stand out for Man United along with Roy Keane and Argentina won the World Cup off the back it. I won £50 from the sweep I was involved in as I had them that year. A great tournament from the man the United fans called the Little Witch, so it was good news all round. England managers also caught a break as they didn’t have to go into every tournament begging Scholes to come out of retirement and as such leaving their actual midfielders feeling undervalued. They still won nothing though, which is nice.
Finally, Colin McKee and Neil Whitworth stayed in England and had reasonable careers, I think, I mean I don’t really know because they never appeared on my radar having never actually signed for Killie. Funny how that happens.
So there we have it, one mere flap of the butterfly’s wings back then ends up with pretty much the same for everyone except Killie get a league win, the Champions League tune gets played in front of a packed Rugby Park, there is a trip to the Euros for Scotland. Well, everyone bar Scholes himself who didn’t have the career he could have had, but hey, sacrifices have to be made sometimes.
History altered forever, all seems worth it to me.
Now what would need to happen to ensure that Killie never appointed Gary Locke…?
About The Author
Perennial open spot John Speirs has been around for ages going nowhere, reappearing every few months to get the odd five or ten minutes here and there. Kinda like Scott Gemmill.
A Kilmarnock fan who saw Willie Watters hit five versus QOTS as Killie were relegated to Division 2 in 1989 and Dieter Van Tornhout’s majestic 2012 League Cup winning header go in, but missed Paul Wright’s 97 Scottish Cup winning goal because he was in the toilet.
In his own career John once scored a wonder goal for his school team and stood on a pitch at same time as Zinedine Zidane when working as a steward. He also writes occasionally for Killie fanzine the Killie Hippo.
Twitter: @JohnSpeirsII
