I saw their debut: Teddy talks us through Chris Burke’s Rangers bow

I remember seeing various players make their Rangers debuts. Kris Boyd netting a hat-trick in a cup match against Peterhead comes to mind, as does Stefan Klos letting in what would come to be seen as an uncharacteristically soft goal on his debut. For whatever reason, the first appearance that comes into my mind most clearly is that of Chris Burke.

On the 20th of March 2002, Rangers faced Kilmarnock at Ibrox in the league. At this point, I hadn’t heard of Chris Burke before. In fact, it didn’t look like he was going to be the winger that anybody left the match talking about, as he started on the bench. Neil McCann smashed in a hat-trick for Rangers from the left-wing, and on the right wing, Andrei Kanchelskis turned in one of his rare decent performances in a Rangers jersey. Granted, he had to overshadow it with a bit of showboating. I’m all in favour of a flicks and tricks…but ideally with a purpose to them. Cruyff turn – yes. Blanco bounce – no.

What did Kanchelskis do? Facing Garry Hay on the byline, the man of Ukrainian –birth but Russian national team appearances decided to jump into the air and spin 360 degrees for no reason other than to confuse and humiliate a struggling and jaded Killie defender. At least the other stupid trick of his Rangers career was standing on top of the ball, pretending to gaze upfield during a game against Ayr United – so he did balance out the irritation he caused to football fans in Ayrshire. Anyway, enough of Kanchelskis.

Chris Burke came on with Rangers 4-0 up. A bizarre seeming figure, whose diminutive size appeared to leave no room for visible kneecaps in between the bottom of his shorts and the top of his socks. After a few touches and twists and turns, the stadium had come alive. Killie couldn’t get the ball off him. On 80 mins, he weaved his way down the right, cut inside, and hit a cross-cum-shot that found it’s way into the net via a slight deflection. The stadium erupted. Burke continued to torment the Killie defence for the remaining minutes of the match.

Surely a star was born?

Well, not quite, but injuries and illness played their part. A viral condition led to the famous ‘fainting’ incident at Pittodrie on the opening day of the 2004/05 season and saw him miss almost all of that season. A couple of years later, he was injured for the beginning of Paul le Guen’s ill-fated reign, and came back just in time to be injured again in unusual circumstances. Fernando Ricksen had already fallen foul of PLG’s disciplinarian approach that ruled out normal footballer jollities like getting smashed on a plane on your way to pre-season training, watching porn on your laptop, verbally abusing a stewardess, then hurling a glass of water over her. A loan deal saw Fernando sign for old boss Dick Advocaat at Zenit St Petersburg. Unfortunately, the deal contained provision for a friendly match at Ibrox. Surely Ricksen wouldn’t run around the pitch bizarrely trying to nail fellow pros who were still technically his clubmates? Burke and his ankle found out the hard way that logic and Ricksen didn’t go together.

Despite these setbacks, Burke still managed to find his way into the Scottish national team under Walter Smith. He scored twice against Bulgaria on his debut, to help Scotland lift the Kirin Cup in Japan. Sadly, Walter Smith never seemed to fancy Burke quite as much in a Rangers jersey when he took over from Paul le Guen, and he was allowed to leave for Cardiff City on a free transfer. The fitness problems that had plagued him at Ibrox evaporated and the last two seasons of his two-and-a-half year deal saw him rack up 98 appearances. This season, having joined Birmingham City, he’s already made 32 appearances due to his side’s early involvement in the Europa League.

Burke’s quality is undeniable…but he may be a bit unlucky in being measured against the achievements of his fellow alumni from the BBC Scotland show ‘Blue Heaven’ that profiled the Rangers youth players of the time. A certain Charlie Adam has gone on to do pretty well…

A reminder of just how well Burke has done though, can be found by looking at the Rangers teamsheet from that night against Kilmarnock. Two products of the youth team had found their way into the starting XI. Stephen Hughes…just released by Motherwell after a short-term deal, and Maurice Ross, currently plying his trade with Livingston in the first division. This video would also suggest a winger with the ability to light up the Championship.

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rFLhiAfkTUo&w=420&h=315]

 
Oh, and here’s that Kanchelskis turn…

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CJmLZLTaMjQ&w=420&h=315]

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About the Author

Twice runner-up in Scottish Comedian of the Year finals, Teddy was named ‘Best Up and Coming Comedian’ at the Scottish Variety Awards in 2010. He’s written for two BBC Radio 5 ‘Unsporting Reviews of the Year’, and has also worked as both writer and script editor on the BBC1 Scotland football shows ‘Offside’ & ‘Only An Excuse?’. He’s been a Rangers season-ticket holder for the past 17 years, but he’s all about the football not “all that other shite”. Also has a fondness for Dynamo Kyiv that can be traced back to an unhealthy obsession with Alexei Mikhailitchenko (or Oleksiy Mykhalychenko if you prefer to transliterate from the Ukrainian rather than the Russian. That’s the unhealthy obsession we’re talking about.)

“brilliant Scottish comic” Kate Copstick, Scotland on Sunday

“Head, shoulders, knees and toes above the rest…mighty stage presence and impressively high punchline ratio” Brian Donaldson, Scotsman

“freshly minted topical gags…pin-sharp lines…great routine…a class act” Steve Bennett, Chortle.co.uk

“has flourished…cracking lines” Jay Richardson, Scotsman

“there are few of his Scottish-based contemporaries that can spin the same high standard of punchlines” Brian Donaldson, Scotland on Sunday

You can follow Teddy on Twitter: @ComedyTeddy

Check out Teddy’s website: http://comedyteddy.com/

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