teddys-topical-times

It was a week in which Leeds Utd proudly reclaimed their crown of being the UK’s most f***ed football club. This season’s Rangers reorganisation and revival had already turned it into a two-horse race between Leeds and Mike Ashley’s Newcastle United for the crown.

Newcastle had just been keeping their noses in front until the Toon actually managed to win a match (something which included the bizarre sight of Alexander Mitrovic celebrating a goal instead of protesting about a card) and Massimo Cellino decided to sack Uwe Rosler and replace him with Steve Evans.

Presumably when Rosler’s at his next club and is asked about his future after a defeat, he won’t tell the press that promotion’s not his aim anyway and that he feels relaxed in the presence of the owner. You live and learn, Uwe. Still, just sacking Rosler wasn’t quite enough drama for the Cellino show, as the owner was also once again banned from running the club by the FA. Still, if you know you’re about to be banned by the FA, you want to bring in a manager who won’t judge you for it. Step forward Steve Evans.

Tim Sherwood’s probably lucky not to have the trigger-happy Cellino as a chairman, given Aston Villa’s dire run of results. When the chips are down, you need your friends to stick up for you, but it helps if they do it in a more convincing fashion than Chris Sutton did: telling the BBC that his mate Tim should keep his job because he’s cocky is probably not the reference he was looking for.

Chin up though Villa fans. Apparently David Moyes might be on his way! And if you give it a couple of weeks he’ll have been sacked by his 2nd club in 18 months and you won’t even have to pay compensation. Exciting times ahead for the Villa! In the Championship….

Staying in the West Midlands, Tony Pulis continued his quest to be named the UK’s ‘most old school’ manager. Asked for a comment on James McClean’s flare up with Sunderland fans, Pulis replied that, “he’s not the sharpest tool in the box” and, apparently, “that’s not being disrespectful to him.”

It does beg the question, what would Tony Pulis consider to be disrespectful? I’m guessing these:

  • “Rubbish from throw-ins.”
  • “Loses his man at set-pieces.”
  • “Can’t take a naked headbutt in the showers.”

Surely there can’t be anything more disrespectful than being deemed, “not the sharpest tool in the box” by somebody used to dealing with Premier League footballers on a daily basis? We’re not talking about being “the thickest one on the Large Hadron Collider team at CERN”…

Dundee United lost their first match under Mixu Paatelainen, which was probably something of a mixed blessing for the Arabs. On the one hand, it’s a step closer to relegation. On the other hand, who wants to take the risk of a man of Mixu’s size attempting to recreate the somersault celebrations of his playing days?

Keeping with the theme of imminent disasters, Efe Ambrose said that the Celtic Park boo boys won’t force him out of the club. There’s every reason to believe him. Blocking them out should come naturally to a man already so well practised at filtering out shouts like, “man on!”

Queen of the South’s Kyle Hutton was also talking about the impact of fans when he discussed the changed atmosphere at Ibrox. Apparently, the Rangers fans now seem more relaxed and trusting of their side than they were in the days when he was playing in midfield alongside Ian Black. In other news, people with a fear of lions seem a bit more chilled sitting at home with their feet up than when open-air camping on the African savannah while smeared in gazelle blood.*

It was good career news on the international management front for a Scottish ginger manager who played under Sir Alex Ferguson for Aberdeen. That’s right! Alex McLeish was shortlisted for the Greece job. Given what’s happened to that country in recent years, you can only imagine that at some stage their waiters must have got mixed up between plates and mirrors.

It’s a good job though. Which manager doesn’t dream of taking over a side that can’t get any worse and with fans who yearn to ‘get back to the glory days of an unwatchably awful but effective style’? If Big Sam’s serious about having a crack at international management some day…

*A childish and easy swipe – hands up. On a serious note, the first time I saw Kyle Hutton was playing in a League Cup match versus Dunfermline. His first touch, calmness and range of passing were outstanding. He went on to play (albeit through injuries to others) against Manchester United in the Champions League and kept his composure well. He should have gone on to do so much more. Maybe he still will? The underdevelopment of young players like Hutton remains one of the biggest black marks against Ally McCoist’s time in charge of the team.

Follow Scottish Comedy FC on Twitter: @ScotComFC

Michael Park
According to Vanity Fair, Michael Park is "The Internet's Most Thoughtful Hipster".

He is the editor of this fine site and a regular on the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast despite refusing to go anywhere near Owen's house.

He supports Kilmarnock and is a comedian to no-one but himself.

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