dear_scfc

‘Dear Scottish Comedy FC’ is football’s first and only Agony Uncle!  We’re not one of those creepy uncles who you only see at Christmas, stinking of booze, staggering around the dance floor before making a pass at your wife. No: ‘Dear SCFC’ is the awesome uncle who gives you money for your birthday, gets you into the football for free and buys you a cheeky beer when your parents aren’t looking.

Each week we will do our best to help those who can’t help themselves. If you have a problem (real or completely made up), send it to us using the form at the bottom of the article.


Dear Scottish Comedy FC,

I’m the best football manager in England who has won a match at every club I’ve managed!

I’ve a proven track record developing superstars. I taught Harry Kane everything he knows!

No-one wears a gilet better than me! Should I apply for the Aston Villa job?

From,

Tim nice but Dim.

Tim. Weren’t you just sacked as Aston villa Manager?


Dear SCFC,

I don’t think being sacked by Aston Villa should prevent me from being the new Aston Vila manager. I have a proven track record of taking Birmingham based clubs to FA Cup finals.

I’ve got a 100% win record against Bournemouth. I know the players strengths and weaknesses… mostly their weaknesses.

Tim Sherwood (will work for food).

Tim. I appreciate you know how to get the best out of Emmanuel Adebayor but that’s not what most clubs are looking for since the vast majority can’t afford his wages.

Teams require consistency of selection, tactics that bring out the best in players and good signings. Did you manage any of these things?


Dear SCFC,

Tactics? Is that what kicking the ball long to Adebayor is called?

Do you have Real Madrid’s Number? I’ve been checking my phone and so far they ‘ve not contacted me to beg me to be the next manager. They must have a wrong number.

I’d better call them myself so they don’t miss on the Sherwinator.

Cheers,

The Sherwinator

Tim. You’ve got as much chance of being the next Real Madrid manager as George Osborne has of getting a christmas card from a hard working family.

You need to find your level. Have you thought about managing Leeds? They’ll take anyone for a week or two.


‘Dear SCFC’ is willing to offer advice to any fans so if you have a problem, your manager’s giving you jip, your star striker is more concerned with Dutch pancakes than Cruyff turns or you just want someone to listen to you, email us using the form below.

[contact-form to=’scottishcomedyfc@gmail.com’ subject=’Dear SCFC, Please Help Me’][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]

Follow Scottish Comedy FC on Twitter for more on Scottish football and beyond: @ScotComFC

Iain Todd
Iain Todd is the co-author of the football book "Jukebox Durie." The only guide to the songs sung by every UK football team. He also co-authored "Fat Minister's Question Time" the only book to poke fun at the Scottish referendum campaign. He avoids the stage so instead his "comedy" is photo shopping images for his and twitter's amusement...mostly his.

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Dear SCFC: Tim Sherwood Wants To Give YOUR CLUB 110%

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