Eddie Cassidy Fears the Scales are Tipping Against Deila

7 Oct

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by Eddie Cassidy (@cassidy_eddie)

This weekend saw an impressive Hamilton Accies side win at Celtic Park for the first time since before my dad was born. Our manager, Ronny Deila, came out and said that this was progress!

I’ll be honest, I was very excited when reading about our new coach, his theory of an attacking, entertaining, high tempo, pressing game sounded fantastic. Are we even trying to do that anymore though? At the moment, whichever side of the fence you are on regarding the manager, you have to admit, its not working. We are lurching from bad result to bad result with no real sign of improvement. Any new manager has to be given time; certain people have a very romanticised view of Neil Lennon’s reign, remembering Barcelona but conveniently forgetting Sion, Utrecht, Braga and various domestic cup defeats. However, his side won the league last year at a canter while having, by and large, the same squad in 6th position this year cannot be called progress.

Heres the thing that’s really getting to me about Deila at the moment. He is (quite rightly) attempting to get his players fitter, faster and better able to keep running when the opposition is flagging. He is 100% correct to do this. He repeatedly uses the word change; change your diet, change your lifestyle, change your life. However he point blank refuses to change his tactics and/or formation when it is clearly not working! This makes it easy for opposition coaches to predict and play/defend against (because that’s what a good manager should do, look at the opposition and pick his personnel/tactics accordingly).

The only slight variation we had was when he brought in Kayal for Maribor away and played a 4-3-2-1 as opposed to 4-2-3-1 and we put in one of our best performances of the season. We looked solid in the middle of the park for once and at home he started the same way – while we didn’t look like scoring, we didn’t have to! His reaction? Switch back to his plan A and go more offensive, in a game we didn’t have to score in!

Apart from this one example he has been resolute in the 4-2-3-1. His preferred midfield 2 seems to be Brown and Johansen and, while both have bags of energy (prob why they are his preferences), neither is particularly good at putting their foot on the ball and dictating the play. This means that we are regularly giving it away and finding ourselves on the back foot. Add to this that the players seem to be blowing out their arses for long spells, possibly due to the new fitness regime, and it’s no wonder that we are regularly dropping points.

His substitutions are usually bizarre; instead of, for example, going two up front for TEN MINUTES when a goal down, he’ll bring on a like for like or, even worse, start trying folk out of position. That’s unless you’re Anthony Stokes who has been out position on the left for weeks now! Stokes’s best attribute is his finishing but he is now being accommodated out of position. He seems to be a favourite of Ronny’s as he said at the weekend he was close to reaching the target weight he’d set him, so would anyone be surprised if that’s what Deila was basing his team selections on?

Imagine Leigh Griffiths turning up to be weighed.

Ronny – Leigh, you’ve not lost any bodyfat? Have you been sticking to our dietary advice?

Leigh – No, I’m carrying on doing what I’ve always done. [And here we have to censor Eddie in his imagining of Leigh Griffiths's lifestyle. Ed.]

Ronny – But its not getting us the results we’re looking for Leigh.

Leigh – Well I’m not changing my philosophy for anyone gaffer, this is how I operate.

You get the impression that Deila would be happy at the end of the season if all the players had successfuly dropped a dress size for the end of season party (at a health spa of course) and beaten their personal best at the triathlon. His attempts to get the players fitter are commendable, however his first priority must be getting results. His Stromsgodset team winning the league with a fraction of the budget of their opponents is a fantastic achievement but, as it stands, would anyone be surprised if Scotland saw a similar feat this year? With Ronny on the receiving end as Accies walk away with the league?

Your theory is fantastic Ronny, but it will take time to implement and you seriously need to buy yourself some by getting the team winning games regularly, whatever changes that takes.

You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE
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About the Author
Eddie Cassidy (eventually) started Stand Up Comedy in Aug 2009, after many years of threatening to, and since then has reached the Scottish Comedian of the Year final in 2010 less than 18 months after his first gig, and has since performed all over Scotland and parts of England including a gig to the out their nut audience at scotlands (2nd) biggest music festival Rockness.

A lifelong Celtic fan and former regular at Pollok Juniors Newlandsfield Ground, situated in the shadow of the high rises in his native Pollokshaws in Glasgow (where he once witnessed a sub knock out a fan in a penguin costume while warming up), he is also a lover of all football and while Celtic will always be his true love, he views the rest of the football world as a copy of nuts magazine, something to look at and enjoy with no emotional attachment! A keen fan of the Premiership, European and International Football he has developed crushes on Parma (around 1994) Dortmund (around 1997) Croatia (1998) Valencia (2001) Ghana (2006) Brentford Town (2009) and still looks out for their results, and like any other football fan currently loves watchin the greatest team of all time, Barcelona. He also has a love hate relationship with Arsenal, however has recently been casting admiring glances at Spurs.

Eddie’s achievements in football include a u15′s medal from the goals 5 a side leagues with the legendary AC Pollokshaws, and once scored 19 goals when 21 years old playing against a bunch of children while drunk.

HilariousThe Skinny

Very entertaining, a welcome high pointChortle

a future headliner, very impressiveScottish Comedy Forum

  

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The Price is Sh*te

20 Jul

By Daniel James Lindsay (@daniellindsay01)

The festival of football that is the World Cup has come to an end and, as we embark on the start of another quad-annual period of mourning, we can at least bask in the warm afterglow International Football has been afforded and look forward to the embracing/annexing arms of mother Russia in 2018. After what was arguably the most exciting World Cup ever, international teams will be desperate to make it to Russia – and potentially some parts of Ukraine – in four years’ time.

In the meantime, here in Europe we have of course the small matter of qualification for the Euro 2016 finals; which for Scotland will begin in September with an away tie against newly crowned World Champions Germany. The SFA has decided to cash in on the World Cup feelgood factor – despite the fact we weren’t actually there – by dramatically raising ticket prices for the Euro qualifying campaign.

I’ve been a member of the Scotland Supporters Club for the last three qualifying campaigns. Membership of the Supporters Club costs £55 and for this you are guaranteed a ticket for each of Scotland’s five qualifying home matches, access to away tickets, and a quite fetching Supporters Club t-shirt. Earlier this year I diligently paid my membership fee and waited patiently for the SFA to release their ticket prices and send out the ‘Dennis the Menace’ and ‘Gnasher’ badges. For the World Cup 2014 qualification campaign tickets in the West Stand cheap seats cost £125, this combined with the £55 supporters club membership fee meant I paid a total of £180 – a fair price for a campaign that yielded only four Hampden goals and where most games were played either mid-week or on Friday nights.

Tickets in the cheaper West Stand for this campaign have been upped from £125 to £190, combined with the membership fee of £55 this totals £245 for the same deal as described previously. For those who had memberships in other areas of the stadium the price has gone from £190 for the World Cup qualifiers to £250 for the Euro’s, meaning Scotland supporters outside of the West Stand will have to pay over £300 to maintain their membership and attend all of Scotland’s home games. Continue reading 

  

Andy Todd’s Jukebox Durie presents the best of 2013!

8 Jan

Don’t forget the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast. Subscribe/download/listen HERE

By Andy Todd (@toddandy)

Our top 10 countdown of the best (worst) songs of the year continues…

5. Newcastle United

As Newcastle United become less ‘likely lads’ and more ‘likely garcons’ the official anthem of Newcastle United has been given a makeover as Blaydon Races was updated for the modern age. Originally a song about travelling to the races in the nineteenth century, it now features modern directions like a sat nav set to music. I can’t say it’s good but I can honestly say it will come in handy if you ever get stuck in the one way system at Collingwood Road.

4 Bayern Munich

The champions of Europe have a song worthy of conquering the world. Their official song ‘Stern des Südens‘ has it all: fuzzy guitars, solos and teutonic chanting. It couldn’t be more German if it had Ramstein singing Winds Of Change with a guest appearance by David Hasselhoff.

3 Queen of The South

Every week Queen of The South run on to the pitch to this Teenage Fanclub-ish slice of Scottish pop that tells you exactly what it’s like to be a fan of the Queens: “We might not be the best, sometimes we’re the worst”.

2 Partick Thistle

With a clear debt to Billy Connolly’s D.I.V.O.R.I.C.E this is a really lovely homage to the T.H.I.S.T.L.E.

1 Manchester City

There was only possible winner of Jukebox Durie’s song of the year. Here’s what happens when you earn too much money. Just check out the toys and costumes as you watch Manchester City do the Harlem Shake or Harlem Sheik.

You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE

 

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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).

Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.

Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy

Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com

  

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Andy Todd’s Jukebox Durie presents The Best of 2013, Part 1:

13 Dec

Don’t forget the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast. Subscribe/download/listen HERE

By Andy Todd (@toddandy)

Our annual round up of the best (well, worst) football songs of the year begins this week with numbers 10 to 5.

10 Portsmouth

If you’ve never taken drugs then, don’t worry, you can recreate the effect by listening to this, frankly, bizarre version of Portsmouth’s official anthem ‘Portsmouth Chimes’. Listen as someone somewhere forced the Teletubbies to sing like Nigella Lawson.

9 Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi’s currently recuperating from injury with his legs up and a copy of Harry Redknapp’s autobiography to read (particularly Chapter 7 – How I Beat The Taxman). Did you know though, that along with offering goals, goals and more goals, he also has an official? To be honest, it’s not a classic but then he did, unusually for him, miss a great opportunity. He should have covered Lionel Ritchies’s ‘Hello’. Think about it, what could be cooler than Lionel singing ‘Hello, Is It Goals Your Looking For?’.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UpfuGKjUkI Continue reading 

  

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Andy Todd’s Jukebox Durie believes in Marvin Andrews!

14 Nov

Don’t forget the Scottish Comedy FC Podcast. Subscribe/download/listen HERE

By Andy Todd (@toddandy)

Thou shall not kill. Thou shall not steal. Thou shall not move to Dundee United. God has given many commandments but career advice direct from above is not one of His top 10, not unless your name is Marvin Andrews.

Marvin is a Trinidadian footballer who has spent most of his career playing in Scotland. In 2004, while playing for Livingston he was approached by Dundee United. Most players would have jumped at the chance to move to a bigger club, particularly when Livingston were experiencing financial problems, but not Marvin. Marvin informed the Dundee United chairman, Stephen Thomson, that “Sorry, but God doesn’t want me at Dundee United.” God was right. Just a few weeks after he turned down the move to Dundee United, Marvin reached the final of the Scottish League Cup with Livingston, and, despite facing a much stronger Hibernian side, Livingston won the match 2–0.

Proving that God was looking out for Marvin, he subsequently moved to Rangers where he added the SPL title and another Scottish League Cup final medal. And, to add to his mystique, despite suffering a cruciate ligament injury early in his Rangers career and being told he would miss months of action, he missed just one game and carried on playing as he believed God would look out for him. He did, Marvin also won Rangers Player of The Year. No wonder when Marvin scored for Rangers, or won the Man of the Match at Ibrox, the announcer would play The Monkees song ‘I’m A Believer’.

For Livingston, the 2004 Scottish Cup remains their highpoint. Financial problems over the last 10 years have seen them fall from a pinnacle in 2001 of finishing third in the SPL and qualifying for Europe to playing in the third division by 2009. Subsequent promotions have seen the club climb back to the First Division and finish the 2012/2013 fourth in the league, their highest position since they were relegated from the SPL in 2006.

Their official anthem is ‘Come On Livingston’, a high energy dance anthem specially written for the club. It has not aged well and, when you hear it, you don’t need to be Marvin Andrews to exclaim “Dear God”.

https://soundcloud.com/kagutsuchi/01-come-on-livingston-on-and-on-and-on

You can download/listen/subscribe to the Scottish Comedy FC podcast HERE

 

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About the Author
After too many years as season ticket holder at Parkhead, Andy Todd renounced the SPL three years ago to support Queens Park. One team is a rank bunch of amateurs who play in a state of the art stadium and the other is…(I think we can all see where this is going).

Andy has been performing comedy for 18 months but is currently ‘between gigs’ while he writes a book on Scottish property law to be published in Summer 2012. Its potential audience will be less than 300 but his mum will be very proud.

Follow Andy on Twitter: @toddandy

Check out Andy’s website: www.toddandy.com